It's a surprise to everyone when they got together—even to themselves—but it really wasn't if anyone was honest. There was always something…unfinished between them. It didn't matter if she had turned him down once in high school, didn't matter if he almost married someone else, didn't matter if she had a relationship with their ex-mortal enemy, didn't matter if his first time was with a woman she hated (at least that's what she told herself at the time), and it didn't matter if they were loving other people at the same time.
It didn't matter. Because they would always be in love with each other, even if both refused to admit it.
But the thing was, the way they got together was a way that no one expected but was soundeniably themthat no one was surprised at the story. They were both 25 when they went on their first date.
It wasn't actually supposed to be a date. It was supposed to be a group outing, a way to catch up after a long six months of being apart from each other. But than one by one they all canceled.
Cordelia (who's half demon side had been a Valkyrie and when she had died, she had been reborn as a full one) and Angel had to deal with a situation at Wolfram and Harts.
Dawn and Connor—who had broken up for the third time that month—hadn't wanted to risk the chance of running into the other (even though they got back together two weeks later).
Willow and Spike canceled because they had to deal with a rogue witch in South America (it wasn't until later everyone learned they actually had gone out on their date).
Robin and Faith weren't due back until later that week.
Giles wanted to spend the night with his fiancé Olivia after being away from her for two months.
And Oz was off doing…something.
That left only Buffy and Xander who didn't have any plans. Or rather they canceled any and all plans they had so they could see their friends again.
Buffy sighed, snapping close her phone. "Dawn said she's not coming."
"Neither are Cordy and Dead Boy. Apparently they had to deal with something at Wolfram and Hart, something about a Boroki demon trying to welsh on a deal." Xander had already put his phone away and was now drumming his fingers impatiently on their table. The solider in him making him scan his surroundings with his one good eye (not that you could tell since Willow had put a Glamour on his eye patch that made him look like he had two eyes instead of one whenever he wanted).
Buffy followed his lead—both of them too well trained and the instinct to well ingrained to ignore—and checked out the people while he scanned the surroundings. They sat in booth at the back of a little Italian restaurant between the kitchen and the emergency exit, where people looking into the windows couldn't see them but they could see them, and where they had a clear view of the entire layout of the restaurant including the front door.
"So, uh, it's okay if you want to leave you know," Xander said, apparently finished with his surveillance because when she looked back at him he was staring at her.
Buffy almost considered it but then quickly threw the idea away, she picked up the menu. "Nah. We're already here anyway. Besides I'm starving."
Xander chuckled and that was enough to make her look up at him out of shock. Xander didn't chuckle, he laughed or grinned or snorted but he neverchuckled.
"I know," he was giving her a lopsided smile that always reminded her of a puppy, it brought out the twinkle in his eyes…eye. It was duller than she was used to but it still made her feel like she had done something special.
"How do you know?" Her tone would've been accusing if it hadn't been ruined by the smile tugging at her lips. She could never help herself; whenever he smiled she always did too. Even when no one else did.
He reached over—they were at one of those circular booths—and her heart sped up despite herself when he brushed something off of her jacket.
He leaned back, that puppy smile still on his face, "You got dust all over you. So either you were cleaning or you just finished dusting vamps. And since everyone knows you hate cleaning…"
The blonde laughed, "When did you get so perceptive?"
"What are you talking about?" Xander grinned at her, grateful he had been able to make her laugh. "I've always been this perkptive."
"Perceptive," Buffy corrected out of habit more than anything.
"What did I say?"
They both smiled at each other for a while after that and it wasn't until their food had been delivered that they spoke again.
"So how was uhhhh..."
"Spain."
"Right! Spain! I knew that!"
"Sure you did Xander," she grinned around a mouthful of pasta. She swallowed it first before she answered. "It was good, Spain is absolutely beautiful. The architecture, and the food, and the culture. It was absolutely amazing. I also found a couple of potential Slayers but I won't be sure until they turn 17. How about you? How was Russia?"
"Cold, frozen, snowy." He shrugged, picking at his food. "The usue."
Buffy frowned, that was it? Where was the outlandish, ridiculous tales, that no one was sure if it was actually true or not? The long, passionate speeches about the beautiful women? "That's it?"
Xander shrugged again, his dark hair slipping into his eyes a little. "I didn't really find any Slayers; the village I was staying at mostly had elderly or young kids. Too young to be able to tell if they were slayers or not."
Buffy put her fork down and pushed her plate away, scooting a little closer to him. "That's not what I was talking about Xander."
He shrugged again and she had to resist the urge to slug him on the shoulder. Being shruggy and mopey was not allowed for the Xanman!
"What's wrong Xander?"
He hesitated, than mimicked her earlier actions and pushed his food away. "I…met someone at the village."
"That's great!" Buffy smiled, ignoring the way her heart suddenly twinged. She saw his expression, pensive and guilt-ridden, "That's…not great?"
He nodded, still not looking at her.
"Well, why not? What was she like?"
"Bubbly, cheerful, smart, beautiful, playful, and totally into me."
"And how exactly is that a bad thing?"
"Because!" Xander yelled, finally looking at her. She jumped at the sudden noise and he was quiet again when he spoke next. His eye still on hers. "I'm not supposed to feel something like this for another woman! It's not right!"
"What do you mean it's not right?" Buffy glowered, even though she already knew the answer.
"Anya—"
"Anya is dead, Xander. Okay I know it hurts but it's true. Anya is dead." Buffy's voice was harsh. Than her voice softened, "It's been over two years since her death Xander. I know it hurts but…don't you think it's time to move on?"
Move on to me, a tiny selfish voice in her head whispered. She ignored it.
"I know," Xander whispered, dark eye—eye since the glamoured one could never quite emulate the depth of the real one—intense and suspiciously shiny. "I know I should move on but it's hard. I just—I was going to marry her Buffy. I wanted to spend forever with her. Forever Buffy, and two years after her death I'm suddenly making googly eyes at someone else? It just…it feels like I'm cheating on her. Stupid I know."
"No," Buffy put her hand over his and stared back with equally intense green eyes. "Not stupid. It shows how much you love and if she loved you even half as much as you loved her. She would want you to move on, be happy. Even if it's not with her."
He puffed out a breath of air, running a hand—the one that she wasn't holding—through his hair. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Of course, I'm right. I'm always right. I'm Right Woman," She smiled at him and they both noticed how close they were. Shoulders, knees, and hands touching. Faces close enough that it looked undeniably intimate. They both jerked away, though somewhat reluctantly.
Xander cleared his voice, suddenly finding that he missed her warmth, "So Spain huh?"
The conversation flowed easier after that—much easier—but they noticed the underlying tension.
"Hey Buffy?" Buffy stopped and turned around to see Xander hesitating on the threshold of his room. Looking adorably shy.
"Yeah?"
"I missed you."
Everything in Buffy suddenly seemed to soften, her voice, her posture, her guard, her eyes, her smile, her heart at the three simple words. "I missed you too."
They both slept that night soundly, without the nightmares that haunted both of them regularly, knowing that the other was just down the hall.
Even though they would always deny that it was a date whenever their friends brought it up and claim they were just friends, it didn't stop them from making plans that only involved the two of them. And it didn't stop them from canceling or shuffling other plans around so they could spend more time together. Nobody noticed though, not even them. They only noticed it, three months later, the first time they kissed.
Xander was pacing back and forth in the waiting room of the ER. He looked haggard, his coat had long been shed—it was currently being used as a blanket for a sleeping Dawn and Connor—his hair pointing wildly in every direction, his face had a five-o-clock shadow, and his eye patch was showing in public. Showing just how spazzed he really felt. Everyone else had already gone home at his insistence, saying that he would call them the moment anything changed.
It was supposed to be an easy, routine patrol.
What it wasn't supposed to be was a trap set by some shadowy figure. The Slayers were fine—except for Mina who had a fractured arm—all except for Buffy who had taken a knife to the gut by a demon that had been hiding in the shadows. The Slayers finished it off—with extreme prejudice he thought with a sick sort of pride—before calling 911.
Xander perked up when he saw a doctor with tired eyes walk towards them. He met him halfway.
"How is she doctor?"
"You the family of Buffy Summers?"
"I'm her…" he hesitated, what exactly was he to her? Not a friend, no they hadn't been just friends in a very long time, and their relationship was too unplatonic to be best friends. But they weren't dating either. Right?
"Boyfriend," he finally said, deciding the doctor wouldn't tell him anything otherwise.
Lucky for him the doctor accepted it, "The knife nicked the stomach lining but it managed not to hit any vital organs. She lost a lot of blood, it was touch and go for a while there but she should be fine with a little bed rest."
"So she's okay?" When the doctor nodded, Xander felt his face split into a huge grin and a massive weight seemed to lift off his chest. "Can I see her?"
The doctor flipped through his chart before answering Xander. "She's probably still sedated but yes, you can see her as long as you don't disturb her. She's in room 509."
Xander nodded quickly before moving to Buffy's room, taking out his phone on the way there to text everyone the good news. The brunette put his phone away just as he entered the room. Xander stopped at the doorway, drinking in the image of Buffy, to reassure himself that she was really fine and that she wasn't going anywhere.
She was covered up the chest with a white blanket, which obstructed most of his view but he was an observant guy. She was hooked up to several machines and each one made him wish twice was much that the demon had been captured, instead of killed, so he could tear in to it himself. She was abnormally pale—From the blood lost, Xander reminded himself,she isn't a vampire, wasn't even fighting a leech—and her breathing was slow but even. He let himself finally feel the relief he had been holding back and took the seat next to the bed. He just stared at her for a little while, studying her features that he had committed to memory so long ago. His eye traced the contours of her face, the gentle slope of her forehead, to the eyelids that were hiding mint green eyes, to her cheekbones and tiny nose, to her soft pink lips, and to the dimple right underneath her chin. His hand reached out and threaded his fingers through hers, squeezing it gently. "I'm so glad you're alright Buffy, you have no idea."
Truth was he had no idea either until he saw her in the bed, tiny and vulnerable to any attack (even though he knew she was the furthest thing from vulnerable, it didn't change the fact that anyone would be hard-pressed to defend an attack unconscious, even someone like Buffy).
He started though when he felt her hand squeeze his weakly—or what passed as Slayer weak, to others it felt normal—and saw her eye lids flutter before opening, her green eyes disappearing for split seconds as she blinked before focusing on the man beside her bed.
"Xander?" Her voice was raspy.
"Hey, Buffy, hey. Yeah it's me; let me get you something to drink." He leaned over the bed, refusing to let go of her hand, to grab the cup of water—the move hitching up his shirt a few inches that she saw a strip of tanned skin and felt her face heat up—he moved back and gave her the water.
She took a long greedy sip with the hand that wasn't currently being occupied by Xander's. "Thank you."
"Yeah, uh, no problem," Xander said a bit distractedly when Buffy licked her lips after drinking the water. He forced his gaze away from her lips and to her face, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she murmured, purposely making her voice quiet so he would have to lean in to hear her. She quietly inhaled his scent, sandalwood, sweat, blood, and something all him. He was alive, she was alive. And they were going to be just fine.
"You sure? Do you need anything?" Xander's voice was quiet too as he leaned in some more, turning his head so that his eye captured both of hers.
She shook her head minutely, not wanting to take her eyes off him for a second, "No, I got everything I need right here."
"I'm glad," he was leaning in even closer.
His hand squeezed hers again,Are you sure?
Her hand squeezed back,Yeah.
"Yeah," she whispered and her eyes fluttered shut before their lips connected. The kiss was awkward, the position uncomfortable for both of them, so Xander shifted to accommodate her and…right there.
Suddenly they were reallykissing, soft and chapped lips moving against one another in a slow and steady tempo. His hand moved to gently cup the side of her head and her hand moved to the back of his neck, while their other hands were still intertwined. When she tried to move her head up to get more, he leaned down even more. She sighed against his lips, a happy sound that sent electric shocks to his heart, and he nipped gently at her bottom lip. Xander stiffened and moved back though when they heard footsteps coming towards them, he sat back in his chair. Ripping his hand away from his like he had been burned.
"Xander," Buffy groaned an unhappy, grumpy sound that sent electric shocks to his heart, "Forget about them. Come back here."
He shook his head and stood up, "I'm going to go get some coffee."
He quickly moved out of the room and Buffy fell back on the bed with a groan. She glared darkly at the doorway, if someone other than her friends came through that doorway; she was going tofreaking murder them. Xander had kissed her! Or maybe, she had kissed him, she wasn't really sure the whole thing was just one really pleasurable haze. Either way, they had beenkissing! And it wasgood! Great even! And then stupid footsteps had to go and ruin it!
Stupid footsteps, stupid echo-y hospital hallways, stupid Xander taking away his lips, Buffy thought, pouting a bit.
Lucky for the hospital, her friends were the ones who came through the door.
She was still annoyed though.
"Where's Xander?" Dawn asked, after giving her sister a careful hug.
"He went to go get coffee."
Xander stood at the coffee station, taking deep breaths as he waited for the crap coffee to fill up his cup. He could still feel her lips on his, soft, slightly chapped, warm, and still wet from the water she had drunk earlier. It made his lips go tingly just by thinking about it. But it also made his heart ache with the sudden realization that he was in love with her—still was in love with her. He had never fallen out of love with her.
His heart stuttered when he realized that the kiss was nothing more than a product of her brush with her mortality.
He chuckled self-deprecatingly;Always gotta fall for the girls who'll break your heart don't ya Xander?
Ten minutes later he was back in Buffy's hospital room, the woman in question kept trying to catch his attention but he never managed to look her in the eye. It was easy to evade, considering he only had one eye and all.
His heart clenched painfully when he finally did manage to look at her in the eye. He quickly took a look around the room and noticed that both Spike and Angel were there. Guys who she had dated—well maybe not dated in Spike's case—and how could he compare to them?
Even Spike who was evil and a creepy clone of Billy Idol was a better fit for Buffy than him.
His grandmother had always told him his soft heart would get him in trouble someday and she was right. His soft heart had never let go of the love he had for Buffy, and now it was coming back to haunt him in the most painful way possible.
Unrequited love is a bitch.
A week later the hospital released Buffy—even though most of the doctors wanted her to stay longer, they all could clearly see she was fine. Thank you Slayer healing—and the one person she wanted to see the most picking her up wasn't there.
"Where's Xander?" She asked in the car.
"Xander's at home, said he didn't want to crowd you." Willow answered, leaning back as Spike continued to play with her hair.
"Do you know where his is now?" She asked, trying to act casual.
It apparently didn't work as Willow gave her an appraising look but answered anyway. "I think he's in the training room on our floor."
Buffy nodded, leaning back in her seat and prepared herself for the talk she was about to have with her friend—hopefully soon to be boyfriend—Xander.
When they arrived at the house, Buffy jumped out of the car and headed to her floor—letting her friends take up her stuff and ignoring the worries of the younger Slayers—she took the stairs, two at a time.
The "boarding house"—really it was more like a miniature castle—had five floors. The first was the common area, where they ate or watched TV and usually where they conducted business. The first was where the younger Slayers slept, the second was where the guests slept—so if they wanted to sneak downstairs they'd have to sneak past the new Slayers whose senses were still in overdrive and who's paranoia still hadn't been reigned in yet—the third was where the Slayers who decided to stay past their allotted one year slept, and the fourth was where the Watchers/Instructors slept, and the fifth was considered the "war room". They also had a basem*nt that worked as dungeon.
Each floor had a weapons room that was constantly under lock and key and a gym.
Buffy stopped at the door of her floor's gym, and just admired the fine specimen who was currently working out. She knew that Xander liked to work out shirtless, in a house of full of hormonal teenage girls it was talked about a lot—and she would be lying if she hadn't checked him out from time to time…or all the time—and in pair of loose sweat pants that hung low on his hips.
It was clear he had been at it for a little while by the gathering of sweat on his skin—Buffy swallowed at the sight—and his hair was plastered to his forehead. He was breathing hard but not puffing—the boy has good stamina, a perverted part of Buffy grinned—and his muscles moved smoothly, and she could see it, the way it moved and shifted. Like iron encased in skin. His shoulders were broad and she knew from experience—from when he would knock her down to save her from something that had been flying towards her and she hadn't seen it yet, or the rare time he managed to pin her down during sparring—that it would fill her entire vision as he loomed over her, the line of his shoulders cutting through any light and his breath would be warm on her face, and his eyes would fill with a light that was proud but also soft with a twinge of worry.
She would never admit it to anyone—had only started to admit it to herself—that when he would manage pin her to the ground during their sparring sessions (she never justlethim pin her, no he had toworkfor it) she would struggle on purpose—even though she could either get out of it easily enough or he had her thoroughly pinned that she wouldn't be able to move with his full weight on her—so that she could feel his body pressed against hers. Hot, strong, and comforting.
One hand firm on her hip but not hard and the other holding both of her wrists above her head and his body would line up with hers, touching but not crushing. While his hip was between her legs, pinning them to the ground and rendering them almost useless.
Stop that, her rational side admonished her horny side. It broke her out of her stupor but it didn't stop her from tracing his chest down to his stomach to his arms with her eyes.
He wasn't as sharply defined as Spike nor was he as buff as Angel but that didn't make him any less desirable. His chest and abs were littered with scars and old wounds but they weren't as obviously defined as most of the guys she had dated the past couple of years but you could tell he was in shape. Especially when he flexed. His abs were understated but when he was moving the way he was right now, it sent a shock straight to her girly parts.
I need to get laid.
Maybe Xander can help with that.
Bad brain.
But good images.
Well, couldn't argue with that.
His arms were defined and scarred—he didn't have Slayer healing or vampire healing so his scars were permanent—even though Willow had offered several times to take care of them , he always turned down the offer. And Buffy had always been thankful he chose not to take her up on the offer if she was honest with herself—and she had been trying to be more honest with herself lately—the scars made him look more experienced. Reminded her that he wasn't the same boy she met ten years ago, that he was a warrior now—like her—that he had seen what hell was and continued fighting anyway—just like her—and that despite how he acted he wasn't to be underestimated.
Just like her.
But he had also managed to not become completely jaded—but there was a part of him that was because in their line of work it was impossible to be—and he was stillhuman. A dangerous human but still completely and utterly human. Weak and strong all at the same time.
And she was suddenly hit with the realization that she was in love with him. Been in love with him for a long time. That she had fallen for him somewhere between him saving her in that cave and before they graduated from high school. She had been in love with him for almost 7 years.
She walked silently into the room—closing the door behind her—until she was right behind him.
"Hey Xander," she said softly. The man in question whirled around and almost threw a punch until he saw who was there.
"Buffy," he smiled before seeming to remember something because he suddenly took a step back. "Are you sure you should be out of the hospital so soon?"
Buffy waved away his concern, "I'm fine. I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about something else."
"Oh well," Xander shrugged and tried a grin that fell short. "I'm sure Willow or Giles would be more than happy to talk."
She ignored the not so subtle hint and took a step towards him to every step he took back. Until he was backed into the wall, nowhere to go now.
"Buffy," he looked nervous now, eye looking for a way out. "What's going on?"
"What's going on,Xander," she rolled his name off her tongue. "Is that you've been avoiding me and I feel hurt."
"Oh, well," it was almost amusing how it almost looked like he wanted to scramble up the wall just to try and get away from her. Would've been amusing if it didn't hurt so much. "I'm sorry about that."
"Cause, you see, here's the thing," she continued like he hadn't spoken. She stepped even closer to him, until they were chest to chest, no space between their bodies. "We kissed, Xander and it was great! And there weren't just fireworks; there was afreaking electrical storm. And I know you felt the same thing as me, so why are you avoiding me?"
He finally paused in his attempts to get away and looked down at her, into her hurt, green eyes. He felt like such a jack ass for making her feel like this, insecure and hurt. Hehatedhurting her. Helov—
Don't finish that sentence, he thought desperately, closing his eyes. But when he opened his eyes again she was still there, and she was staring at him with open eyes that were stillhurtandpretty. Her eyes were so pretty, everything about her was pretty.
Shut up brain!
"Because I'm scared," he finally said. The admission stilled everything, they stilled, the conversation stilled, the very air seemed to still.
"Why?!" Buffy finally growled, the hurt replaced by an angry light in her eyes. "Why areyouscared?Iwasn't the onekissedyou and thenavoided you for a weeklike it meantnothing!"
Her words seemed to spark something in Xander and he surged forward. "Nothing?!That kiss meanteverythingto me! It's all I can think about!You'rethe one that thinksnothing of it!"
Buffy was stupefied into silence, how could he possibly think that?
Xander shouldered his way past her and hissed, "Yeah, thought I didn't know the truth didn't you? I may love you Buffy but I am nobody's toy, not even for you."
As he moved to move past her, her brain suddenly stuttered back to life and her hand snapped out to grab his arm. She turned him around.
"You love me?" Her voice full of wonder and her eyes full of hope but Xander was too frustrated and too sure of his convictions to notice.
He backed her up to the wall, the roles reversed but he made sure to keep an inch of space of between them. Buffy wanted that inchgone. He leaned over her, his eye dark and intense and shining with hurt. It took her breath away. "Yeah, isn't that why you came here Buffy? To set me straight? To break my heart?Again?"
"No. No.No, Xander," Buffy whispered, moving her hand up slowly to touch his face. He flinched but didn't move away when she cupped his cheek. "I came here because I liked—likekissing you. But more than that I likeyou.I love you."
"Really?" He whispered, suspicion and hope warring in his head.
She nodded, and her other hand grabbed him by the drawstring of his sweatpants and pulled him closer, eliminating that inch like she wanted. Their bodies were pressed together, every inch touching the other. She whispered throatily, "Let me show you how much."
And then she kissed him. Or maybe he kissed her. It didn't matter though, because they werekissingand everything else was obsolete except for him and her and the shocks running through her body and the pleasure he was giving her.
When they broke for air, he started kissing her neck and she gave a quiet moan when he kissed that one area. He chuckled against it, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine.
"More," she moaned again, when he started sucking on that spot. She hooked her legs around his naked torso, and he caught her by her butt as she jumped up. He propped her up against the wall so his hands could be free for their ministrations.
"You're hurt," he growled against her jawbone as she bucked against him and her nails raked over his naked back.
"Slayer healing remember? I heal three times as fast a regular human," she murmured into his ear, sucking on the spot below his ear so he could hear her moan as he worked on her collarbone.Godwas he good with his tongue.
"That doesn't mean we should rush," he said as he stopped kissing her with some—a lot of—difficulty.
"Oh come on," she whispered, "I can feel your…little problem."
Or big problem, her hormone addled brain giggled.
"Buffy," he growled warningly as one hand massaged his scalp while the other traced his collarbone than went down his chest, past his naval— all the while with that smoky look in her eyes and that sexy smirk on her lips.
"Buffy!" He growled, grabbing both of her hands in his and pulling them over her head. "Stop that."
Buffy made a noise of frustration, "I feel like I'm ready toexplode, how is ityouhave more self-control than me in this situation?"
He laughed quietly and she felt herself smile even though she was still turned on asf*ck.
"Buffy," he finally let go of her hands and he leaned forward to trace her jaw with his lips. The contrast of his chapped and soft lips sent shivers down her spine. She let out a small moan when he nipped gently as that spot on her neck. He pulled back a little to inspect the hickey that he put there before moving to kiss her collarbone. "I've been around you for 10 years and you've spent the last 4 in sports bras and ridiculous shorts whenever we sparred. It would've gottenveryawkward if I didn't learn self-control."
"Really?" She asked, looking down at him through half lidded eyes as he continued kissing her neck. Her hands moved up to pull his head up to look at her.
He nodded seriously, and she saw his eyes darken even more as she shifted against him. "Do you have any idea howhotyou are Buffy? Howbeautiful?"
"Then why can't we continue?" She asked pulling him in for another kiss. He stopped before it could get much farther than that though.
"Because Buffy, I love you too much and I have too much self-respect for our first time to against a gym wall." He put her down and moved away. He leaned down to pick up his shirt—and Buffytotallychecked out his butt when he bent over—and slipped it back on. "And also because I don't you to do something you'll regret."
"Xander," Buffy moved towards him and grabbed his hand. "I'm not going to regret it. Iloveyou. It just…took me a while to realize that."
Xander nodded and pulled her to him, "Than I guess you won't mind if I ask you to be my girlfriend?"
She chuckled, feeling her heart swell with happiness, "I'd love that."
They sealed it with a kiss.
She pulled away, her arms around his neck and his around her waist. She smirked saucily up at him, "So does that mean our second time will be against the gym wall?"
