My highly flammable thought of the night. (2024)

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  minnasmommy member

  January 2010

  I try not to judge. I really do.

  I married a workaholic but every second that he is home is about Sophia and me. we truly get undivided attention. I also have S on a later schedule so she is in my by 9:30p, that way on the nights during the week where he gets home earlier DH can play with her and read her stories at night.

  Sisterly love--Sophia (1/14/07) and Baby Margaux (7/13/10)Doctor in training!

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  summerbrideDC

  January 2010

  I try to be case-by-case on this. I have a friend whose a lawyer who works insane hours and is definitely a workaholic, but she's sort of an everything-aholic. Which means when she does spend time w/ her kid, it is really quality time. That kid knows, 100%, that she is loved and adored and valued. The woman's FB status updates are all about her kid, not her work, etc.

  I have another, former friend who, when she went back to work, basically put her daughter on the backburner. She travels constantly, both for work and pleasure (alone), her status updates were all about her travels and her work. She cut out all of her SAHM friends b/c we "didnt' understand" her. She admitted to me at one point that she basically sees her kid for a couple hours on Saturday b/c the rest of the time she's either working or networking for work. Her? I judge.

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  stacynikki member

  January 2010

  I agree. I struggle with this working till 5. DS goes to bed around 8:30 or 9 and I still feel like I don't spend enough time with him. DH is giving him a bath right now in case anyone starts wondering why I'm on here in stead of with him.

  
  Liam is 5!
  

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  JOEBunny member

  January 2010

  When I worked in daycare, by 4 years old, you could tell a "12 hour child" by the way they acted, in a sad way. Studies do show that >40 hours in daycare impact children negatively (Most kids are not in this long). If I had continued to work, my kids would be see me for 1 hour a day, 1/2 hour in the morning to get them dressed to go to daycare, and 1/2 hour at night to shove some dinner down them. They need 12-14 hours a sleep and I would have to drop them at 7:15 and pick them up at 6:15.

  I have friends who do this and have good childcare situations, like in home care, where the child is "part of the family" and does not suffer horribly for lack of seeing mom and dad, but it is not for me. You can buy love, I just would not want to. Long term, it will be interesting to see studies. There are suprisingly few on long term outcomes for children who don't spend much time with parents.

  I also know several 60+ year old people who went to bording school from 6 and 8 years old. Ted Turner went at 4.
  

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  DevonPow member

  January 2010

  DH doesn't see DS on weekdays due to his insane work schedule, and he works most weekends as well. If he isn't at the office, he is on his Blackberry. A lot. He works very, very hard.

  His working so hard allows me to stay home with DS, and allows a lifestyle where DS can have a lot of wonderful "extras" like classes, travel, etc. It allows us to be able to afford to fly frequently to see DS's grandparents (who all live out of state) and gives him the opportunity to spend meaningful time with them. It means that DS will not need to have stress over things like going to whatever college he wants, or being able to pursue advanced educational opportunities without significant debt.

  Some may say that none of these things matter as much as DH being home with us more. I say that this is who my DH is, how he feels the need to take care of his family, and show his love. This also helps fulfill him as his own person - and having a fulfilled/happy parent IMO is a wonderful example to set for your child. He is driven, and I knew this when I married him. This does not make him less of a father. It makes him a great father. He works his ass off, and it really stinks some times (trust me, I complain), but he is the best father and husband there can be.

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  jettagurl member

  January 2010

  DevonPow:

  DH doesn't see DS on weekdays due to his insane work schedule, and he works most weekends as well. If he isn't at the office, he is on his Blackberry. A lot. He works very, very hard.

  His working so hard allows me to stay home with DS, and allows a lifestyle where DS can have a lot of wonderful "extras" like classes, travel, etc. It allows us to be able to afford to fly frequently to see DS's grandparents (who all live out of state) and gives him the opportunity to spend meaningful time with them. It means that DS will not need to have stress over things like going to whatever college he wants, or being able to pursue advanced educational opportunities without significant debt.

  Some may say that none of these things matter as much as DH being home with us more. I say that this is who my DH is, how he feels the need to take care of his family, and show his love. This also helps fulfill him as his own person - and having a fulfilled/happy parent IMO is a wonderful example to set for your child. He is driven, and I knew this when I married him. This does not make him less of a father. It makes him a great father. He works his ass off, and it really stinks some times (trust me, I complain), but he is the best father and husband there can be.

  This is much the way we are, just more kids, and less extras. We really 'want' for nothing....but all grandparents are in state, so have no need for much travel. DH works his rear off (typically doesn't see kids M-F) to provide for us, and is totally tuned in when he is home and can be. Life has taken a couple crazy turns, but we have adapted amazingly well and our life really is great.

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  luckyluvr member

  January 2010

  Why not judge? Flame me, but I don't think people who can afford the time to spend with their children should have children. When your children become yet another "item" in your home, you're working too much. I'm not talking the single mom who is just trying to put food on the table. I'm talking the career people who want it all. Sure, having the dream job and the money for "extras" is nice, but at what price? You reap what you sow.

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  mattslady

  January 2010

  Well, hmmmm. I have no shame admitting that I do want (and have, quite frankly) it all. I'm proud of that. My DH and I are showing our children what education and hard work can give you in life.

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  AnnapolisLari member

  January 2010

  I am afraid that this is what's going to happen to my brother's baby (due in June).

  He is a sr. VP on Wall Street and she's a partner in a law firm. He leaves the house for the gym at 5:30am and often doesn't get home until 7 or 8. She's not too far behind those hours. They both travel extensively for work.

  AKA KnittyB*tch
  DS - December 2006
  DD - December 2008

  

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  s_angel

  January 2010

  "But, I still always find it sad to hear about parents who leave for work early in the morning and return at night with barely enough time to give the kids dinner and put them to bed. "

  This is us 100%. It stinks. DDs are in daycare for 10 hours each and every day. It is a mad rush picking them up at 6, flying home, finding the fastest thing to feed them and then upstairs for bedtime by 7:30. I hate it and would love to move out of this area to a slower-paced place. DH wants no part of moving. We just try to make the most of weekends and the bit of time in the evenings that we have. It makes me so sad. We cannot afford to have one of use stay at home. But I still like to think that I am a great mom setting a good example for our girls.

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