“Look at how adorable my sister’s pups are. I’m an uncle now, guys, can you believe it?”
There’s a permanent twinkle in Taehyun’s big, round, eyes, but it’s brighter than ever as he positively gushes over his sister’s newborn twins. They’re crowded around one of the few small tables in Café Kitsuné’s lush green courtyard, watching as he swipes through his camera roll in a frenzy. Each flick of his finger brings the same shot from marginally different angles to his phone screen. Two girls, swathed in baby pink. They’re cute. Kai’s not too sure what differentiates each picture from one another, but they’re cute.
“If you want, we can make your sister an aunt, too,” Yeonjun purrs, pinching his boyfriend’s cheek.
Taehyun scrunches up his face, but a visible flush creeps up his cheeks nonetheless. “Don’t be ridiculous, hyung.”
“Oh, Taehyun-ah, don’t act like you haven’t thought about it.”
Ah, love, Kai muses over his grapefruit ade. He can’t even be mad that he’s third-wheeling. His best friend—aside from Soobin—and his favorite hyung—again, aside from Soobin. Though truthfully, Yeonjun and Beomgyu are tied for second place; he could never bring himself to pick one over the other. Just last year, Yeonjun had never seen Taehyun as anything more than his cute little underclassman. Then Taehyun started hitting the gym, and Yeonjun was forced to conclude that okay, maybe his cute little underclassman wasn’t so little anymore.
Still cute, though.
When Taehyun returned to his and Kai’s apartment with a garish red mating bite after staying the night at Yeonjun’s at the end of junior year, Kai couldn’t say he was surprised. Even now, two months after Kai and Taehyun’s graduation, they haven’t changed one bit: quietly but devotedly in love.
“In your dreams, hyung.” Taehyun rolls his eyes. “How about you though, Kai-yah?”
“Hm?”
“Do you think you’ll have pups with Soobin-hyung?”
Pups. You and Soobin-hyung. As he processes the words, Kai’s eyes bulge out of their sockets. He chokes on his drink, lurching forward with a sputtering cough. Red-orange rivulets cascade down his chin.
“Christ, are you okay?” Taehyun asks, dabbing at his mouth and rubbing circles against his back.
“Ah—ahem—haha, um—uh—I’m fine, yeah, haha!” Kai splutters through awkward laughter. Something strange blooms in his chest. Hopefully just acid reflux. “Great question, I just wasn’t, uh—ahem—expecting that question!”
“You’re blushing. Like, a lot,” Yeonjun points out with raised eyebrows.
Instinctively, Kai’s hands fly up to touch his face. Sure enough, he finds warmth beneath his palms. “No I’m not!” he denies. It does nothing for his case, and if anything, Yeonjun looks even more amused.
“Oh, I get it,” Yeonjun smirks. “You been thinking a lot about having pups with Soobinnie?”
“I didn’t say that!” Kai whines, cheeks ablaze.
“But you thought it—”
“Don’t tease him too much, hyung,” Taehyun sighs, patting his head. “Sorry, Kai, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, I’m fine!” Kai assures, twiddling his fingers and biting his lip. “It’s just—we haven’t—well, we’ve never actually talked about it.”
It’s not the truth, but it’s not a lie either. Technically speaking, he’s thought about it—call it omega instincts—but only in the form of fleeting ‘what-if’s and ‘maybe’s, or as part of his bedtime scenarios to fall asleep to. Maybe having pups someday might be nice, but they’re too young right now. He’s freshly graduated and due to start his first job in a couple of weeks. Soobin just got his first promotion at work. His barely twenty-two to Soobin’s almost twenty-four. A baby was out of the question.
Plus, they’re not even engaged yet. They’ve been mated since the end of Kai’s freshman year, but Soobin hasn’t proposed. He’s been scrimping and saving every paycheck, determined to buy Kai the ring he deserves. Well, Kai’s not fussy—Soobin could propose to him with one of those Lotte candy rings, for all he cared—but Soobin insisted it was about the principle.
So no, Kai doesn’t think a ring on his finger changes the fact that Soobin loves him more than anyone else, and vice versa. There’s a two-year-old scar on the side of his neck to prove that. Still, he wants it, and he’s sure Soobin wants it more: a ring and a ceremony, making their bond official in every sense of the word. That was the proper way, wasn’t it? Date. Marry. Have pups.
“Besides,” Kai scratches his head awkwardly. “I dunno if hyung even wants kids that much.”
“Huh?” Yeonjun frowns. “That can’t be right. He adores Jaehyuk.”
This is true: Though Soobin claims he “doesn’t really like babies,” the alpha dotes on his nephew to no end. No one is more dedicated than he is to playing the role of World’s Greatest Uncle, even if it means prying a Lego out of the kid’s nose during a babysitting shift. Every time they visit Soobin’s cousins, his heart can’t help but swell up when he watches Soobin play with his nephew.
“I think he just thinks babies are cute to look at,” Kai shrugs. “Dunno if he wants all the work that comes with actually having them.”
“Maybe it’s for the best. I can’t imagine Soobin taking care of pups,” Yeonjun snorts, gulping down the remainder of his iced americano.
Like a knee-jerk reaction, Kai bristles slightly. “Uh…what do you mean by that?”
“I mean, you should’ve seen him when we used to dorm together. Before your freshman year. He could hardly take care of himself.”
“Back then.” Kai rolls his eyes. He knows Yeonjun’s teasing is all in good fun—he and Soobin are close—but he can’t help but get a little defensive of his boyfriend. “He’s different now.”
“Yeah, ‘cause if neither of you cleaned up your act before moving in together, your place would look like a tornado ran through it,” Taehyun snorts.
“Hey!” Kai objects.
He supposes he can’t deny that. Living with another person forces you to be more accountable for your space. Though he’s only lived with Soobin for two months on paper, they’ve been playing house since their college days. Kai has to thank Yeonjun a bit, though. After deciding they were incompatible as roommates, Soobin and Yeonjun decided to sign separate leases as sophom*ores. Though Kai roomed with Taehyun all four years of college—they even signed a lease together, for god’s sake—he spent most of his time over at Soobin’s place.
Mostly because it was nice to not have to worry about disturbing any roommates.
“Well, he’ll be a good father to our pups.” Kai blurts out, before catching the accidental sense of certainty beneath his words. He swallows. “I mean. If we have pups, that is.”
“I’m sure he would,” Yeonjun chuckles. He knows better than to keep teasing an already defensive boyfriend.
“Okay, but if you do have kids, we’re gonna be the godparents, right? Right?” Taehyun presses.
Godparents? Kai can’t even fathom parents, let alone godparents. “Only if I get the credit I deserve in your wedding vows. You guys owe me so much for getting you guys together.”
“Oh, Huening baby,” Yeonjun ruffles his hair affectionately. “We’ll consider it.”
Call him crazy, but Kai has always known that he wants to marry Soobin—ever since they first started dating in Kai’s freshman year of college. If he wanted to stretch it further, perhaps they’d always been a little in love—ever since the summer Soobin moved to Seoul from Ansan, when they were both still middle schoolers. Between the ugly bowl cut and his incredibly gross habit of showing off his chewed-up food before swallowing it down, Kai wasn’t sure why he fell for him.
Honestly speaking, it was probably when Soobin offered to trade him a rare, holographic Mew card within the first week they met: true romance. Kai refused out of principle, but from that day on, he was an absolute goner.
It wasn’t until college that they finally came to their senses—quite literally, after Kai got his first heat—and started dating. Luckily for them, the family stamp of approval had long been granted. Though considering that Kai had been single his entire life before Soobin and vice versa, their parents couldn’t have been happier.
How lucky was he? To find his last love in his first. To play house together in this little apartment in Yeonnam-dong. He’s content with this home they’ve built together—how could he need anything more right now?
“I’m back!” Kai calls out. He toes off his high-top Pokémon Converse and shuts their apartment door behind him. Alright, not his Converse. They’re technically Soobin’s, and while his boyfriend jokingly rags on Kai for stealing his clothes—his shoes, his hoodies, or otherwise—Kai knows that he not-so-secretly doesn’t mind. Knows that he likes it—likes it a lot.
“In the kitchen!” Soobin shouts back.
Kai can smell it all the way from the door: the cozy smell of freshly baked pastries. As he pads over to the kitchen, the sweet scent intensifies. He beams at the sight: his dear boyfriend in a frilled pink apron, carefully pulling a metal tray out of the oven and placing the pastries onto a cooling rack. Once he’s done, Kai tightly wraps his arms around Soobin’s waist from behind.
“Missed you,” Kai mumbles.
They hadn’t seen each other properly in a whopping twelve hours. In fairness, that was a lot for them these days. Soobin had gone out to the bar with his boss and coworkers for a team bonding event, and by the time he returned, Kai was already fast asleep. When he woke up, he was firmly nestled in Soobin’s arms—and also on the brink of being late for his hangout with Taehyun and Yeonjun. Thus, they reluctantly parted ways.
“Missed you too, baby.” Soobin turns around, cupping Kai’s small face in his hands and rubbing their noses together affectionately. “Did you have fun with Taehyun and Yeonjun?”
“Mmm.” With closed eyes, Kai nuzzles his head into the crook of Soobin’s neck, right over his scent gland. He inhales the warm, comforting smell of musk and sandalwood, nosing over the matching bite mark adorning the flesh of his boyfriend’s neck. Though it’s been there for over two years, it’s not something he’ll ever get tired of looking at: a permanent reminder that Soobin is his and his alone.
“You stole my hoodie again,” Soobin pouts. He grabs the bottom of the oversized fabric and rustles it gently. It’s one of their favorites—Soobin’s to wear, and Kai’s to steal—black with a white skull printed in the middle. Though they’re nearly the same height, it’s still loose on Kai, sleeves enveloping his dainty fingers and forming sweater paws. “Jeez, don’t you have a whole closet of your own to wear?”
“I did,” Kai admits, lifting his head from Soobin’s shoulder to reveal a cheeky grin. “Want me to stop?”
“No,” Soobin concedes. “Looks better on you.”
“I knew it. As expected, my Soobinnie-hyung is a sap.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Soobin huffs. The indents of his dimples betray his attempted facade of nonchalance. “It’s true, it suits you well.”
“You’re funny, hyung.” Kai pokes one of his dimples, Soobin scrunching up his face in response. “What did you bake? I could smell it all the way from over there.”
“Egg tarts,” Soobin replies, breaking away from their embrace to untie his apron and place it back on the hanger. “‘Cause you said you were craving them last week, right?”
“Ah, that’s right…” Kai trails off, eyes crinkling up with fondness. “I did. Can I try one?”
Kai considers himself blessed to have a boyfriend who likes to bake. It’s certainly not good for his blood sugar levels, but it’s good for his heart. It had just been a brief comment—that he passed by Bang & Baker’s the other day while running errands and had to resist buying a whole pack for himself. Soobin hadn’t exactly been the most subtle about his plans, sending him TikTok videos of people baking egg tarts, captioned with a ‘doesn’t this look so good.’ So Kai had a little more than an inkling. But surprise or not, his heart overflows with tenderness all the same.
Sometimes, Kai doesn’t think he deserves someone who loves him as much as Soobin does.
“Can you? Who else would I make them for?” Soobin plucks a single tart from the tray.
“Ah…it might be a little hot,” he frowns, splitting the tart down the middle with his fingers and blowing on it furiously to cool it down. His plush lips purse together like a bunny’s mouth. Cute. He nudges the flaky edge against Kai’s closed lips. “Open and say ‘ahh.’”
“…I’m not a baby, hyung.”
“No, you’re not. But you’re my baby,” Soobin coos. “Now open up.”
Though he’ll never admit it aloud because his boyfriend would never shut up about it, Kai does like being called Soobin’s baby. The second Soobin pops the pastry into his waiting mouth, his eyes widen and his face lights up instantly. It’s still a little hot—the residual heat faintly grazing his tongue—but the custard is perfectly silky-smooth, melting in his mouth. Hands down, it beats any other egg tart Kai’s had from a bakery. Perhaps the adage is right: The secret ingredient is love.
“It’s good! It’s so, so good!” he exclaims through a mouthful of puff pastry, shaking his chest and shoulders in absolute happiness.
“Really?” There’s an unmistakable twinkle in Soobin’s eyes. Even though he’s trying not to look ecstatic, it still bleeds through. He’s never been good at hiding his emotions, bless his heart. “I was worried I might’ve overcooked the custard a bit…”
Kai shakes his head fervently. “No, it’s perfect…thank you, hyung.”
“Better than Bang & Baker’s?”
“Hmm…I’ll have to think about that,” Kai hums, tilting his head upwards and holding his fist to his chin in deep thought. But he’s already long decided his answer. “Of course! Everything hyung makes is the best.”
“Wh—you can’t just say things like that!” Soobin flushes a comical shade of red. Seriously, seriously cute.
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
“Ah, you really…” Soobin scratches his head, nose scrunching up. “Cute. My Hueningie is the cutest.”
Kai beams at the praise. “How was the bar, by the way?”
“Good, good. They drink a lot, though. Couldn’t keep up, so I left early. Wanted to wish you a proper goodnight, but you were asleep,” Soobin pouts.
There’s something suggestive in the way that he says “proper goodnight” that makes Kai’s face grow hot. If he’s talking about what Kai thinks he means, then his boyfriend has to be the most insatiable man on the planet—and yet, he’s all too willing to indulge him.
“…We did it two days ago, y’know,” he mumbles, ears burning.
“Hmm? I just meant a goodnight kiss,” his boyfriend teases. Absent-mindedly, his hands slide inside Kai’s loose jeans to play with the waistband of his panties. “But if that’s what you want…”
Between the two of them, Kai’s supposed to be better at practicing sexual restraint. Ordinarily, he would be more of a tease, smacking his boyfriend’s arm away and pretending that he doesn’t want it just as bad, if not more. But right now, his patience has worn down wire-thin. He’s bursting with forty-eight hours worth of pent-up arousal, and it doesn’t help that Soobin insists on making sly, sexual innuendos. What’s the point in prolonging the inevitable—wouldn’t it be better to just give in and submit to his desires, his ego be damned?
So this time, Kai lets Soobin win. This time, he tosses away his pride in favor of horniness and instant gratification, crashing his lips onto Soobin’s in a heated, feverish kiss. And for all his teasing, Soobin is more than happy to oblige. He returns the favor with equal fervor, as if he’s about to devour him whole. He insistently sucks on Kai’s lower lip before edging his tongue inside his mouth. Dizzy with want, Kai slides their tongues together as they stagger backward until Soobin’s back thuds firmly against the wall.
Soobin can’t keep his hands off him, and the feeling is mutual. Without even a hint of shame, he sticks his greedy hands inside Soobin’s sweatpants, palming him through his underwear and feeling him grow harder with each touch. Meanwhile, Soobin drags Kai’s panties to the side to play with his aching puss*, wading his fingers through the pooling wetness. His breath hitches as he feels Soobin parting his folds, fingers prodding against his entrance. But it’s not enough—he won’t be satisfied until Soobin’s knot is nestled deep inside his c*nt.
“Bedroom,” he whispers, breaking away from their lip-lock. “Please.”
“So we’re not gonna christen the kitchen today?”
“Hyung,” Kai groans in exasperation. “If you don’t hurry up and f*ck me into the mattress—”
“So needy,” Soobin chuckles. As if he isn’t equally needy, if not more. “Fine, but we’re doing it another day.”
Then he’s lifting Kai off the ground and into his arms, making Kai squeal in surprise, feet dangling precariously in the air. Their giggles echo down the hall as Soobin carries him bridal-style to their bed, one arm secured around his back and the other supporting his thighs. Despite his initial hurry, Soobin takes special care to lay him gently down onto their mattress before climbing on top. Ash blond hair splayed out in a fan against the pillow, a doe-eyed Kai looks back up at his boyfriend, who stares down at him with crinkled eyes—terribly, terribly fond.
“My pretty boy,” Soobin coos, before slotting their lips together once more.
Tangling his hands in Soobin’s hair for purchase, Kai fastens his legs around the elder’s waist. Meanwhile, one of Soobin’s wandering hands dives under the hoodie to grope at Kai’s perky little breasts, rolling and pinching dusky brown nipples between his thumb and index finger. The other hand reaches down to unzip Kai’s baggy jeans, stripping him down to just Soobin’s oversized hoodie and his underwear. Each ministration draws stuttered whines from the younger’s lips as he writhes beneath Soobin’s touch.
But he needs more. Craves a sort of friction that he can’t get with this position. So Kai maneuvers himself on top to desperately rub his clothed, throbbing c*nt over Soobin’s erection—as if he’s in heat, as if he’s staking his claim. Soobin grinds his hard co*ck back up against him, the sensation heightened with how thin Kai’s thong is. However cute it might be—all pink and bows and lace—it’s practically a scrap of fabric, serving to cover absolutely nothing: Just the way Soobin likes it.
“Cute panties,” Soobin comments, hooking a finger around the waistband and tugging it outward before letting it snap back against Kai’s hips. “Did you wear these just for me, Hueningie?”
Of course he did, and they both know it. From the moment Kai got dressed this morning, the entirety of this silly little romp in sheets had been premeditated. But he refuses to let Soobin have the satisfaction of a straight answer. “You wish.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Soobin grins wolfishly. “In any case, you should wear them more often.”
Both of his hands sneak behind to fondle the supple globes of Kai’s ass cheeks shamelessly, spreading and kneading the delicate flesh with rough hands.
“The gym membership is paying off nicely for you, it seems,” he teases, giving a playful smack to Kai’s round ass. “And for me.”
“Yah!” Kai yelps, even though he pushes his ass back against Soobin’s grasp with a breathy giggle. “You’re—you’re such a pervert, seriously…”
“Can’t help it. I get to have you like this, all to myself, for the rest of my life. Can you blame me?”
For the rest of my life. God, he likes the sound of that.
As fun as it is to dry hump like horny teenagers, they’re getting older. Neither of them has the patience to continue foreplay for too long. Kai’s panties are already soaked through, his slick starting to seep onto Soobin’s pants and forming a visible wet spot over the crotch area. Soobin’s straining through his sweats, an intimidating bulge beneath the heathered fabric. Besides, they f*ck often enough that too much preparation isn’t necessary.
“Clothes off,” Soobin orders.
“Thought you liked the hoodie better on me?”
“I do.” He helps Kai shrug off his hoodie, exposing his bare chest. “I just like you even better naked.”
Almost immediately, another wave of slick begins to flood from his c*nt.
When Soobin leans over to pull the nightstand drawers open and grab a condom, a twinge of disappointment flashes across Kai’s face. It disappears as quickly as it comes, but he can’t place where it came from. All he knows is that as he watches Soobin strip himself of his sweats and roll the condom over his co*ck, there’s a strange, persistent itch in his mind to reach over and rip it right off, piercing a hole into the latex and rendering it useless.
Then a sudden wave of much-needed clarity hits him, as does a tsunami of shame. So he shoves the thought away in the deepest recesses of his mind, plastering on a normal, guilt-free expression.
“Wanna ride you,” he says breathlessly.
“Oh? Lucky me,” Soobin grins lazily. “If that’s what you want.”
Straddling his boyfriend’s waist, Kai pushes the fabric of his thong to the side and spreads his folds wide with one hand, as Soobin takes his co*ck in hand and lines it up with Kai’s entrance.
“Not gonna take off your panties?”
“Too much work. Need you in me now,” Kai mewls as he sinks down onto Soobin’s co*ck.
“Oh, f*ck—” he cries as the head breaches his entrance. They might f*ck like rabbits, but Soobin’s dick is large enough that he can still feel the stretch every time. “Big.”
“I’ve got you,” Soobin reassures. “You can do it. I know you can.”
The stretch burns, but he savors it nonetheless. Pushing the remainder of Soobin’s length inside him inch by inch, he exhales in relief when he feels his ass flush with the base of his boyfriend’s co*ck.
“Look…I did it, alpha,” he gasps, planting his hands onto Soobin’s chest for balance. “Took all of you in me, all by myself…are you proud of me?”
“So, so proud…you look so f*cking sexy, Kai-yah,” Soobin praises. “All mine. My pretty omega full of my co*ck.”
As much as Kai loves to lay prettily on the bed and just take it, he wants to do something nice for Soobin this time—compensation for all the times (which was ninety-nine percent of the time) he’s done all the work during sex. Slowly, he starts bouncing on his co*ck—quick, short strokes, before he works himself up to the point that the head just barely peeks out before impaling himself back down again. Soobin’s there to support him every step of the way. His hands grip Kai’s waist, helping guide his co*ck back into the warmth of Kai’s c*nt. Little ah-ah-ahs spill forth from his lips with each drag of Soobin’s co*ck against his tight walls. Splotchy stars burst beneath his eyelids every time the tip kisses his cervix.
And if he squeezes his eyes shut and prays hard enough, maybe the thin yet stubborn layer of latex separating them will dissolve too.
Huh. A strange expression crosses Kai’s face as soon as the weird, unwanted thought hits him. He prays that Soobin chalks it up to discomfort, but it’s more likely that he hasn’t noticed to begin with. By the looks of it, he’s way more focused on watching how his co*ck disappears into Kai’s c*nt.
Not more than five minutes pass before his thighs start to burn, every fiber in his muscles tearing itself apart from within. Tousled blond strands dangle in front of his eyes, bangs jostling with each movement. Shallow breaths escape his throat as he darts his tongue out to lick away a single, tangy sweatdrop beading down his forehead onto his lips.
Maybe more core workouts would’ve helped, but at least he’s lasted longer than his previous attempts. However tempting giving up sounds, he wants to be good for his alpha and power through. Though his strength hangs on by a thread, he manages to alternate between light bouncing and grinding his hips in a circle down on Soobin’s co*ck when he’s searching for a minute of reprieve.
“Hyung, Soobinnie-hyung,” Kai whimpers, staring down at him with pleading round eyes and glossy lips. “Kiss?”
With the softest eyes, Soobin leans up to capture his lips in a wet, open-mouthed kiss. A comforting hand works its way atop Kai’s thigh—trembling with exhaustion from overexerting himself for his boyfriend’s pleasure.
“Did so good for me, baby,” Soobin murmurs, placing his hands back on Kai’s wide hips and bringing his trembling body to a standstill. “Let hyung take care of you now, okay?”
Then he’s tightening his grip on his hips and slamming him back down on his co*ck, bouncing him up and down on his lap with enough force that they both end up falling back onto the bed. Kai buries his face into Soobin’s neck with a lewd moan as his boyfriend bucks his hips up to meet him in the middle, co*ck rubbing against his G-spot with every thrust. Though their landlord claims that the walls are soundproof, Kai sure is testing its limits with the way he’s begging for Soobin’s co*ck. The filthy slap of skin against skin echoes throughout their quaint little bedroom.
“Knot?” Kai pleads, glassy-eyed and wanting. “Hueningie—ah—Hueningie wants hyung’s knot inside, ple-e-e-e-ease.”
“Christ,” Soobin groans, eyes full of adoration. “You’re crazy. How are you this f*cking cute, even when my dick’s inside you?”
Too boneless to respond properly, Kai can only offer him a hazy, glazed-over smile before he devolves into a mess of incoherent moans.
“Gonna knot you, okay, baby?” Soobin grunts. “Gonna stretch out your pretty little c*nt—”
Right as he spills into the condom, Soobin’s knot swells up at the base of his co*ck. As it expands, it stretches out Kai’s c*nt and locks them together. Staying true to his possessive streak, his teeth dig into Kai’s neck, forming another indent atop his old mating bite. Kai clenches tighter around his knot at the sudden sensation, eyes fluttering shut in f*cked-out bliss.
For a brief second, Kai’s brain wonders if Soobin’s thrusts were rough and forceful enough to make a tear in the condom’s tip, allowing his boyfriend’s seed to leak into his womb. Though the image alone is enough to rouse him for a second round, he swallows thickly as an awful feeling nudges itself inside his guilty conscience. Mustering up all his willpower, he shoves the thought away to bask in the blissful afterglow underneath their blankets until Soobin’s knot swells down.
“Hurts,” Kai mumbles. The fabric of his panties digs uncomfortably between his crotch and thigh. “Can you tell your knot to hurry up and go down already so I can take these off?”
“Huuuh? I asked you if you wanted to take them off. But you were so impatient,” Soobin says smugly. “What were you saying again? Too much work, need your big, fat knot in me now—”
“Yah, I never said that!” Kai hisses, face flustered from the vulgarity spewing from Soobin’s mouth. He grabs one of his plushies from the side of the bed, shoving it against Soobin’s face. Alas, Soobin’s all too quick to retaliate in kind, reaching a hand beneath and squeezing Kai’s right ass cheek hard, eliciting an ear-piercing shriek from him. All’s fair in love and war.
War is a bit of an overstatement. Their “fight” lasts all of two minutes before it devolves into a sloppy, spit-laden makeout sesh.
“When are we going tomorrow again?” Kai murmurs, once their lips part for a brief moment. “To get your mom her Chuseok gift, I mean.”
“Hmm…at one or two, maybe? How’s that sound?” Soobin threads his fingers through Kai’s light hair absentmindedly. “Wanna sleep in with you. Haven’t seen enough of you these last two days for my liking.”
“You’re impossible.”
“Yeah. Impossibly in love with you.”
“Cheesy,” Kai yawns, snuggling back into his boyfriend’s embrace. “Thanks again for the egg tarts, by the way. They were really good, I mean it.”
“Of c—oh sh*t. Oh sh*t, I need to put away the egg tarts!” Soobin yelps, yanking away the covers and running to their kitchen butt naked, condom still fully on. He returns to a sulky Kai, grumbling about how his boyfriend abandoned him for a whopping five minutes right after sex.
Rest assured, he makes it up to Kai with round two—but not before destroying him in Tekken, twelve games in a row. Whether Kai’s claims of losing on purpose have any validity? Yet to be determined.
Though Kai treasures his independence—particularly because he’s an omega—he can’t deny that it’s nice to sit back, relax, and get pampered by his boyfriend from time to time. For instance, despite being arguably the better driver between the two of them, he’s no stranger to playing passenger princess. While Soobin keeps his hands on the wheel and his eyes on the road, Kai keeps his hands and eyes affixed to his phone, focused on the grueling task of curating the music.
“Can you queue “Secretly, Secretly”? Please?”
Kai’s greeted by Soobin’s wide, puppy-dog eyes when he looks up from Melon. “This is the third KARA song you’ve queued in a row, by the way.”
“Well—well, I just really like Seungyeon-noona’s voice in this one!”
“And you also just really liked her voice in the last one, and the one before that. Don’t worry hyung. I get it,” Kai dismisses with a wave of his hand. “I know you’d drop me for Seungyeon in a heartbeat.”
“Wh—” Soobin’s jaw drops, as if the thought of him choosing anyone over Kai—even one of his favorite celebrities—was ludicrous. Cute. “That’s not even what I said! And that’s just not true! I love Seungyeon-noona, but you know I love more—”
“But?”
Maybe Kai isn’t the biggest Kamilia (or a fan of idol music in general), and maybe Soobin’s knowledge of Bruno Mars is limited to “Talking to the Moon” (Kai’s go-to karaoke song). They make it work, anyway.
At the world’s longest red light, Kai leans over to rest his head on Soobin’s shoulder, pressing a chaste peck right on his dimple. His boyfriend blinks once, twice—before turning his body to the side to tenderly slip his tongue inside Kai’s mouth. Whoever’s in the car in front, he almost pities them: They’re giving their rear-view mirror quite the show. Soft and sweet, the kiss lasts a short five seconds before Kai breaks away with a giggle and chides him for giving into distraction: “Eyes on the road, hyung.”
They’re right on time—seconds later, the light flashes red. Soobin lifts his foot off the brake and hits the gas. The lush, sugarcoated synths of “Strawberries & Cigarettes” by Troye Sivan swirl through the speaker system, swathing them in shades of pastel. The taste of vanilla lip balm lingers on Kai’s tongue.
Few places are as big and sprawling as Starfield COEX Mall. As a kid, Kai once got separated from his mom and sisters during a shopping trip, losing himself in the claustrophobic crowds. After ten minutes of wandering through a labyrinth of luxury stores, tears streaming down his chubby cheeks, an older couple helped him to the security desk. There, he was reunited with his frantic mother, who wrapped him up in her arms and told him to never let go of her hand again.
Now as an adult, Kai’s been enough times to find his way. Plus, he has a phone now. Gone are the anxieties of getting lost, and present are the anxieties of getting judged for his appearance—such is life, being an omega with his build and stature. It’s not every day that you see an omega that towers over most alphas—an omega broader than his own alpha, at that.
The stares don’t get to him anymore. It doesn’t make them easier to ignore, though.
Licking away at his mint chocolate soft serve cone, he walks side-by-side with Soobin, browsing the shelves of Olive Young for Soobin’s mom’s Chuseok present.
“Eomma.” Soobin holds his phone to his ear with one hand and holds Kai’s hand with the other. “What’s that one essence you like? The Manyo one, I think…? No, no, it’s not for me, I was just wondering…no, it’s not for Kai either, it’s just for…a friend…yes, he’s right next to me—my mom says hi, Kai-yah—”
“Hello!” Kai chirps into the phone. “How are you? Ah, I’ve been good—yes, Soobinnie has been taking good care of me, don’t worry…I’m excited to see you this Chuseok too!”
After prodding his mom not-so-subtly about her favorite skincare products, Soobin settles on a couple of skin-brightening products from Manyo: cream, essence, toner, and more.
“She’s impossible,” Soobin sighs, shaking his head as they carry the little boxes to the cashier. “I’m just gonna give her cash next year.”
They don’t make it more than five steps outside Olive Young before Kai stops in his tracks, staring at the store straight across—unaware that his boyfriend has kept walking.
Behind the glass windows stand tiny little mannequins dressed in tiny little clothes. They’re surrounded by an unfathomable amount of plushies that could rival the size of his own collection. Onesies hang off the walls and the racks, in all sorts of patterns: animal-print, flowers, plaid, polka dots, stripes. Kai zeroes in on one of the mannequin’s onesies—pink with white bunnies scattered all over. A massive sign stuck to the glass advertises a half-off discount on shoes—shoes that could fit into the palm of his hand.
The more he stares, the more his chest aches with longing. The more his mind wanders to places it shouldn’t. The more he starts to hallucinate images of him browsing those racks himself: donning a loose maternity dress, picking out clothes for their pup with Soobin by his side—his hand on Kai’s bump, waiting to feel their baby kicking.
Ah—! I just felt it! He can almost hear Soobin’s laugh, head and hand pressed to his stomach. Listening and feeling intently. Hah, what a hard kick…she’s strong. She gets it from you, baby…oh, I can hear her heartbeat, Kai-yah…
Kai stands for so many minutes just staring through the store’s windows daydreaming that he loses count.
“Kai-yah?”
He whips his head around at the unmistakable sound of his boyfriend’s voice. “Ah—hyung?”
“Thought I lost you for a second.” Soobin breathes a sigh of relief before his gaze follows the direction of Kai’s. “Something caught your eye?”
“Baby clothes? Aww,” he teases, squeezing his cheeks. “Thinking about pups or something, Hueningie?”
Do you think you’ll have pups with Soobin-hyung?
“N-no!” Kai jerks, caught off guard by the accusation. His head pounds, Taehyun’s question from that fateful Saturday afternoon ricocheting around his skull. Because he is thinking about it—more than Soobin knows, and more than Kai’s willing to admit. So he tears his gaze away and scoffs lightly, ignoring the harsh tug at his heartstrings. “Just zoned out, that’s all.”
“…Alright, if you say so. Speaking of pups, though,” Soobin starts, linking his fingers with Kai’s as they continue walking. “You know how I caught up with Beomgyu the other day? Well, get this: He and Heeseung are expecting twins. Crazy, right? They just found out a few weeks ago.”
Kai’s breath hitches and dies in his throat.
Expecting?
Crazy.
Really, really crazy, alright.
So crazy that the thought sends his head spinning faster than the goddamn speed of light.
Insane. Beomgyu’s barely older than Kai is—only one grade above him—and he’s already pregnant. Just a little over a year ago, they sat in the same lecture halls, hung out in each other’s apartments, had late-night study sessions over a sticky-sweet order of bb.q Chicken. Now? Now, there’s a little life growing inside him. In nine months, his Instagram feed will be overflowing with photos of blanket-swathed newborns. Envy sinks its ugly teeth into Kai’s rotted conscience and gnaws away at him.
“Really? Wow…that’s amazing, I’m so happy for him!” Kai lies, plastering on a fake smile. Unlike Soobin, who wears his heart front and center, Kai has mastered the art of masking his emotions. Because yes—yes, he is happy for Beomgyu, he is happy for him and Heeseung, but it doesn’t make the gaping hollow in his chest disappear. “I’ll text him my congrats later. That’s crazy…Beomgyu-hyung’s gonna have pups soon.”
“Right?” Soobin laughs, sending a sharp stab straight to his heart. “I almost can’t imagine it. Beomgyu with twins….they’d be cute, but they’re gonna drive him up a wall. I can see it now.”
Against his will, he can feel his conscience polluting with the most devastating visions: Calling Beomgyu to arrange playdates between their pups. Watching them frolic around in the living room, building LEGO castles and role-playing with dolls. Passing down his treasured plushie collection—Tobin, Goguma, and too many Molangs to count—to a new set of tiny hands.
It’d be nice—it’d be really, really nice. If only Soobin wanted to have pups, too. Kai barely resists the urge to hurl his guts onto the pristine, white-tiled floors.
“Ah, I’m so hungry!” Soobin groans, rubbing his stomach. “Should we go to Shake Shack? I know you really wanted to try it.”
Relief washes over Kai’s face at the change of topic. He nods fervently. “Mm! I could go for a burger.”
Upon entering the establishment, they’re greeted by a neon-green burger-shaped sign. Hot dogs, concretes, floats, cones, burgers, frozen custard, fries: A long list of menu offerings lines the edges of the storefront. The interior is well-lit—black tabletops and overgrown greenery bursting out of the planters separating each booth.
“Let’s see,” Soobin hums, perusing the menu hanging from the wall. “Two burgers, a strawberry shake for you, a vanilla shake for me…”
“Cheese fries?”
“Right, right. Let’s share one?” At the sight of Kai’s deepening glare, Soobin can’t help but giggle. “Kidding, kidding! We’ll get two. I’ll give you some of mine, too.”
Of course, Soobin always knows how to appease him. It’s an unwritten rule: Whenever they eat out, a small portion of Soobin’s food is to be given to Kai. It’s a rule that applies not just to food, but all other aspects of life (see: clothing). And Soobin is all too happy to oblige, one hundred percent of the time.
“That’s what I thought,” he gloats, clasping Soobin’s hand in his own. “And some of your shake?”
“Alright, now that’s a little too far—”
Right as they’re about to head over to the ordering kiosk, Kai hears the unmistakable sound of loud wailing just outside the entrance.
He turns his head around, eyebrows furrowed. Looking through the glass window pane and downward, he can see a little girl with her hair tied in pigtails, probably not more than five or six years old. Dressed in a plaid pink pinafore dress layered over a white long-sleeve, she clutches a stuffed bunny tightly to her chest. Fat tears roll down her cheeks as she uses her free hand to wipe them away, eyes darting around her surroundings.
If Kai blinks, he can see the ghost of himself—a lost child in COEX Mall.
He glances over at an equally stock-still Soobin. He watches him blink in rapid succession, visibly alarmed. Kai swears that he witnesses Soobin’s foot shift a few inches forward and then promptly back, like he’s uncertain of what to do.
Then in a flash, Soobin’s shaking his head and heading out the door, quietly walking over to the little girl as Kai trails right behind him. When he’s close, but just far away enough as not to scare her—stranger danger, after all—he kneels in front of her until they’re eye-level.
“Hello,” he greets with a gentle smile. “I’m Soobin. This is my husband, Kai. Are you lost?
Three little words, said with the utmost softness and care. Kai watches as her eyes widen instantly, more tears springing forth as she nods and hugs her plushie tighter.
All the while, he’s struggling to wrap his head around the word husband. Soobin could’ve easily said boyfriend, but jumping straight to husband? Was it to explain who he was easier, so that he wasn’t just some random guy? Sure, they’d be husbands someday, but they’re not yet…no, if the little girl knew what husband meant, she’d definitely know what boyfriend meant, and yet—god, why was he overthinking this so much?
“W-wan’ my mommy…” she sniffles, rubbing her puffy eyes.
Husband. The word rolled off Soobin’s tongue so easily. Mommy. Would Kai get to be a mother someday, too?
“Don’t worry, we’ll help you find your mommy, okay?” Soobin reassures. He glances upwards to meet Kai’s gaze. “Kai, could you go up to the security desk and ask them to put out a lost child announcement?”
All Kai can do is nod dumbly, hurrying over to the nearby security desk to inform them about the situation.
Much to Kai’s devastation, Soobin is painstakingly gentle. As he brings the girl up to the security desk, he lightly holds her hand, enveloping her entire fist with ease. Though he towers over her, though he’s a grown alpha, she doesn’t seem scared at all. Quite the opposite, actually: Aside from some light sniffling, she seems much more calm.
If he listens carefully, he can catch tidbits of their conversation. Jiwon? What a pretty name, he hears Soobin comment. Hears him ask her things like Do you remember where you last saw her? and Where do you think she might be? Hears him offer comforting words like I got lost here when I was your age, too. So don’t worry, we’ll find her soon. Do you see that nice security guard right there? He’s gonna help us find your mommy.
But worst of all, he looks at her with the softest eyes. All this, done with nothing but tenderness—all this for a child he doesn’t even know.
As he watches them, Kai feels his brain flooding with images. Soobin carrying their future daughter’s (daughter? Well, he can’t guarantee that, but he sure hopes so) hand, walking her to the gates on her first day of preschool. Soobin playing with their daughter, hiding his face behind his hands before revealing himself and shouting out Peekaboo! as she bursts into a fit of bell-like giggles. Their daughter knocking on their door, begging to sleep with them after having a bad dream, lying down on the bed between them as Soobin lulls her to sleep with a bedtime story.
Oh god, Kai thinks. There’s no denying it now. He wants Soobin to pup him, and badly. He feels sick to his stomach, and sadly not the morning sickness kind. The sort of sickness that befalls you when you hope for something you can’t have.
“You don’t have to stay here. We can take care of it from here,” the mall worker assures them, once Soobin brings her to the desk.
“No, I want to. Until her parents get here,” Soobin replies, looking down at the little girl and then towards Kai. “Would that be okay, Kai-yah?”
Maybe it’s just because of that damn navy polo shirt and jeans combo he’s wearing, but right then, it hits him like a punch to the gut: Soobin would be a good dad. He’d be a fantastic dad, whatever anyone else says be damned. Kai has never been one for waterworks, but suddenly, he has the uncontrollable urge to let out a gut-wrenching sob. Suddenly, he has the uncontrollable urge to throw all rationality out the window, to toss their condoms and his last few packs of suppressants into the trash.
“Of course, hyung,” he swallows.
One announcement over the public address system later, two worried-looking women rush to the security desk in a frenzy. Upon seeing Jiwon’s face, one of the women cries out in relief, dropping to her knees and wrapping her child in a bone-crushing embrace.
“Thank you so much for looking after our Jiwonie,” her mother says, bowing her head to Soobin and Kai. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“It’s no problem at all.” Soobin shakes his head and stares fondly at Jiwon. “I couldn’t leave her alone. I’m just glad she’s safe.”
Flanked by her mothers on either side, Jiwon waves them farewell with a huge smile. There’s a gap where one of her front teeth is missing. “Goodbye, Uncle Soobin!” she shouts.
“Goodbye, Jiwonie!” Soobin waves. They watch the family leave hand-in-hand with each other, a little skip in Jiwon’s step.
“Come on, let’s go get our burgers. And then we can go to the bookstore and look at the manga selection,” Soobin says, grabbing Kai’s hand. “You think they’ll have Jujutsu Kaisen 0?”
Slouching over the black Shake Shack tabletop, Kai dredges one of Soobin’s crinkle-cut fries through the melted cheese before chewing it to mush. The thought of the baby clothes store and little Jiwon doesn’t leave his mind.
The thing is, this whole…baby fever nonsense didn’t just start with Taehyun’s innocuous question at the café. Kai remembers exactly when and where he was when the symptoms first started brewing: Just a few weeks ago, during his 22nd birthday party with his family and Soobin.
“Oppa.” Bahiyyih’s sitting on the floor side-by-side with Lea. She beckons toward a slim, meticulously wrapped rectangular package—the last one remaining in the pile. The wooden table in his family’s living room is a mess of crumpled wrapping paper, unfurled tape edges, ribbons, and handwritten cards. “You still haven’t opened mine and Lea’s present yet. You’re saving the best for last, right?”
“Can’t beat my PS5,” Soobin boasts, reclining back on the couch and draping an arm around Kai’s shoulder. “Do you know how many different stores I went to?”
Typical Soobin: always competing for Kai’s attention, even when the opponents in question are Kai’s biological sisters. No one, not even Kai’s own family, is off-limits.
“Yah, Choi Soobin,” Lea drawls. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, trying to one-up Kai-yah’s own sisters—”
“Who cares, just open it already!” Bahiyyih urges.
“Okay, okay!” Kai laughs. He unravels the pink ribbon, carefully picking away the tape and neatly unfolding the Sanrio-themed gift wrap. He pinches the edge of Cinnamoroll’s cute printed face, peeling away the paper to reveal a brand-new MacBook Pro. “Huh? No way…Hiyyih, Lea, you guys didn’t have to—”
“I know you liked the iPhone XR I got you a few years back,” Bahiyyih interrupts. “So…I saved up my allowance and part-time job money again and combined it with Lea. It’s our joint present to you.”
“Thank you, really.” He’s not good at conveying the weight of his appreciation in his words, but he trusts that his sisters inherently know how deep his gratitude runs. “I’ll use it well.”
“Please do,” Lea chimes in. “Couldn’t have you using GarageBand on that tiny phone.”
Though Kai and Soobin are devout Samsung enthusiasts—with matching cream and black Galaxy S23 Ultras—he cherishes that little coral iPhone XR dearly. He mainly wanted it for a better camera to take selfies with, but he’d taken a liking to tinkering around with GarageBand. He’d recorded a few demos here and there, and even wrote and recorded a draft of a full-fledged song, but never had the courage to release anything publicly.
“Maybe if you get tired of the office job,” Soobin muses, “you could totally pivot to music. You’ve got a natural talent for producing, and you’re the best singer I know…if you polished “Dear Sputnik” up a bit and released it on streaming, you would totally hit a PAK on the charts. I see it now.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my mate.”
“I’m not!” Soobin denies. “I’m nothing but honest. Some even say to a fault! Anyway, let’s try the photo booth together when we get home, you’d look so cute with the filter with the little blue birds—”
His incoming stream of compliments is interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
“Kai-yah!” his mother shouts from the kitchen, in the middle of washing dishes. “It’s your aunt! Open the door!”
“Coming!” Kai shouts back, getting up to his feet and walking toward the door.
“Kai-yah!” his aunt exclaims, wrapping him up in a tight embrace. Even though Kai towers over her, she hugs him tight enough to crush his bones to fine dust. “Happy birthday, baby!”“Hi, auntie,” he greets, patting her awkwardly on the back.
“Wow…you dyed your hair! I barely even recognized you,” his aunt gasps. She lets go of him, pinching the ashy blond strands between her fingers. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to come to your graduation. You know I’d ditch that business trip for you if I could.”
“It’s okay,” Kai reassures, guiding her to where everyone else is sitting. “Here, come say hi to everyone.”
“My pretty nieces,” his aunt coos, squeezing his sisters’ cheeks. “Soobin-ah, it’s nice to see you again. So handsome, as always.”
“Nice to see you too, auntie,” Soobin smiles gently. Kai sits back down next to him on the couch, interlocking their fingers. “But I’m nothing compared to Kai, really.”
“Well, of course!” his aunt laughs. “He’s my pretty nephew, of course.”
She stares at Kai again, but this time slightly scrutinizing. He feels her eyes rake over the fraying threads of his sweater, and he shrinks a little under her gaze. “You’ve gained a little weight since I last saw you, Kai-yah. You should drink a little less grape juice, baby.”
Involuntarily, he flinches. His sisters glance over at him knowingly. Soobin purses his lips and locks their fingers tighter, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. Kai knows it’s just ingrained in their culture—dieting and weight talk and whatnot—but it still doesn’t make him feel great when it’s brought up.
But years’ worth of these conversations has trained him to know when to pick his battles, so he opts for a tight-lipped smile. “Okay, auntie.”
“I can’t believe you two have been mated for so long. It’s been a little over two years, hasn’t it?” his aunt prods. Historically, she’s been quite the nosy woman. “Are you thinking about having pups anytime soon?”
“Wh—pups?” Soobin sputters, before bursting into a fit of laughter. “Auntie, you’re funny.”
His aunt raises an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”“Oh.” A palpable, uncomfortable silence follows. “You—you were serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh. Well, um. We’re not engaged yet, for one,” Soobin chuckles nervously, avoiding her gaze. “I don’t think Kai-yah’s mom would approve. And we’re still pretty young, so—”
“Oh, you know marriage is only a formality. You’re mated already, after all,” his aunt dismisses. “And you know, your mother had you three when she was quite young too, Kai-yah. Well, she married your dad young as well, but—”
“I just mean that we haven’t gotten the chance to discuss it more seriously,” Soobin interrupts with flushed cheeks. “That’s all.”
“Why not?”
Kai’s eyes flit over to Soobin’s, trying to discern his thoughts simmering beneath the surface. His aunt isn’t wrong, per se. Having kids would be a normal first-date topic—deal-breakers and such. But Kai supposes that for them, the barrier between friends and lovers was so thin that things naturally bled into place. Not much changed between them after they started dating—just the added label of boyfriends and a different, deeper level of physical intimacy.
Was there much point in discussing the future when he always knew that Soobin was going to be in his, no matter what? Not only that, but for two young adults, two S’s that live in the present (though Kai never took the MBTI test to heart, not after they rated his and Soobin’s compatibility as only ‘so-so’), talking about having kids in the future wasn’t as important as getting through the week.
“Um…” Soobin scratches his head, at a bit of a loss. “Again, we’re still pretty young, so…I’m not sure how Kai feels, but…I guess I’m not one hundred percent sure yet? Pups are cute, for sure, but they are a lot of work…and Kai just graduated a few months ago. I don’t know if I’d want them right now, at least.”
I guess I’m not sure.
Knots form in Kai’s stomach, every organ twisting in on itself. He bites his lip. Sure, maybe Kai hasn’t really thought about it either, but at the end of the day, he’s biologically an omega. While it’s not uncommon to go child-free, it’s not the norm among mated alpha-omega pairs. Kai can’t help the thought of having kids, not when society is constantly telling him that it’s the proper thing to do. But even aside from societal conventions—sure, there’s nothing romantic or glamorous about being woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby or changing dirty diapers, but there’s a part of him that itches for it. With his mate, at least. With Soobin.
But for whatever reason, he can’t shake his discomfort from the sliver of doubt in Soobin’s voice—even if it’s just a sliver. Perhaps Kai wasn’t sure about having pups now, but he could see them doing so in the future, at least. But what if Soobin never did?
Kai has never questioned their future together before—mainly because he’s never had to. But now he can’t help but think: What if this drew a rift between them in the future? What if they had kids, and Soobin resented him or felt like he was forced into it? What if Soobin didn’t want Kai the way an alpha should want an omega—to breed and have pups with? Was it because he didn’t look the way an alpha’s stereotypical dream omega should?
No, he shouldn’t think that way. He should have a little more faith in Soobin, the boy who’s faithfully been by his side for the last decade. But it doesn’t stop the spiraling thoughts and insecurities from plaguing him.
“Well, I hope you change your mind. It’d be a shame if you didn’t. I think you two would have pretty babies,” his aunt hums. She pats Kai on the back, before fishing a little white envelope from her purse. “Here’s some money for your birthday, Kai-yah—buy yourself something nice.”
“Yah, Yeonju!” she shouts, before barging into the kitchen to greet Kai’s mom. “You didn’t come out to say hi to me yourself? What kind of sister are you?”
As Bahiyyih and Lea follow his aunt into the kitchen, the two of them settle into an awkward silence.
“Sorry about that.” Kai’s the one to break it, but his mumble is barely audible. “You know how she is.”
“Hey, don’t apologize, and don’t worry about it,” Soobin reassures. He gestures towards the MacBook, still in its packaging. “What do you say we open up your new laptop right now and give the photo booth a spin? Come on, I wanna see you with the funny filters.”
All Kai can think is: If any of Soobin’s relatives ask them about pups when they visit his family for Chuseok, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. Perhaps dissolve into a puddle and hope the carpet swallows him up.
Frankly speaking, he should’ve seen it coming sooner. The signs were all there—the disappointment he felt when they had to use a condom, the kids’ clothes store, Jiwon, the café hangout, Soobin’s goddamn conversation with his aunt most of all—he’s just never been good at tracking his cycles. Canceling his suppressant prescription just last month probably didn’t help either, but he couldn’t put up with the side effects any longer.
Come Monday afternoon, long after Soobin’s already left for work, Kai wakes up half-lucid and burning. An all-consuming, prickly warmth envelopes his body, buckets of sweat beading from every crevice. He places a trembling hand on his forehead, feeling the heat bleed into his palm. But fever aside, once he registers the dampness permeating the fabric of his panties, slick leaking like a faucet from his throbbing c*nt, there’s no doubt in his mind: He’s in heat.
12:00 P.M., his phone reads.
Four hours since Soobin’s left for work. Six before he comes home. Six hours without his alpha, left to face his first heat since getting off suppressants—which always hit the worst—alone. While Soobin’s off on his lunch break, chatting up his co-workers over an overpriced café sandwich, Kai’s sweltering up a storm in their sheets.
Speaking of those goddamn sheets. When Kai shoves his face into the cotton fabric and inhales, he can catch the faint ghost of musk and sandalwood. That alone is enough to make his heart seize up in anguish. He unlocks his phone just to stare at his lock screen again: a selca of him and Soobin, nuzzled cheek to cheek, eyes peacefully closed shut. When Soobin still had blond hair, and Kai had gone back to black. Funny how their hair colors would consistently be dyed opposites: light and dark.
This—moping about Soobin’s absence as the puddle of slick beneath him grows bigger—won’t do, but it’s not like he can change the circ*mstances. And Kai is nothing if not independent. So he turns the air conditioner on and strips himself down to his panties, letting the breeze kiss his bare skin. And then he gets to work: fashioning their queen-size bed into a nest.
He rifles through Soobin’s closet, tossing his favorite hoodies and sweaters onto the mattress until not even a speck of the sheets beneath are visible. Although Kai had a brief phase in his senior year of college where he claimed he’d outgrown his plushies, they still occupy a non-insignificant amount of space on his and Soobin’s bed. He artfully arranges them amongst the pile of clothes, but specifically keeps the penguin-costumed Molang plushie Soobin got him last Christmas closest to his chest. Once he deems it worthy, he curls up atop his newly made nest, surrounded by the scent of his alpha.
Kai sinks into the mattress, longingly staring at the fluffed-up pillow right next to him. Just last night, Soobin had laid down next to Kai, his head resting on that exact pillow as he tenderly kissed him to sleep. Like the sheets, if he inhales deep enough, he can drink in the lingering traces of Soobin’s scent.
Soobin. With a hesitant hand, Kai drags the pillow away from the headboard and slots it between his plush thighs. The cool fabric grazes against his barely-clothed c*nt. Already, he can feel his slick leaking onto the pillowcase—definitely going to leave a stain.
Sure, he and Soobin f*ck—and a whole lot, at that. Despite that, he’s never gotten himself off (to the point of org*sm, anyway). The few times he’s tried involved a hand dipping between his wet folds, prodding at his entrance but never daring to breach it. He’d never get so much as a finger inside before going to the bathroom to wash the slick and shame off himself. Sometimes on nights that Soobin came home late, Kai would shower alone, cranking the showerhead on high pressure and using it as a makeshift vibrator. Still, he never directly touched himself, nor did he cum from the water jets’ stimulation alone.
This time, though, is different. Maybe it’s because he’s off suppressants and used to getting spoiled with his boyfriend’s dick regularly that it hits worse than it usually does. This time, there’s an itch that he’s desperate to scratch. So he gets up, folds the pillow in half, and sits himself right on top.
It’s not Soobin’s knot, but it’ll have to do.
Kai leans forward with his palms planted on the mattress, wide hips gyrating as he rubs himself against the pillow with abandon. He’s never tried masturbating with one until now, but it’s just the right amount of firmness up against his soft mound. Still, the friction isn’t even half as good as what Soobin’s co*ck would feel like inside him.
Something tells him that he should be ashamed of this—so desperate to be plugged up with his boyfriend’s knot that he’ll resort to humping a pillow as a shoddy substitute—but he’s too drunk on lust to care. He looks toward the full-length mirror leaning against the wall across from their bed, watching the pathetic display he’s putting on: uselessly rutting against the covers, chasing a release that won’t ever come.
“Hyung,” he cries out, grinding his c*nt back against the plush surface. “Ngh—Soobin-hyung…!”
Slick soaks into the defiled cover, drenching his surroundings with the sweet, summery aroma of tangerines. He rides the pillow as if it’s Soobin’s co*ck, like he did just two days ago.
But it’s not Soobin’s co*ck, and he can’t cum like this. It’s not enough to tide him over.
So in a moment of weakness, he reaches for his phone and dials My cute Soobinnie-hyung.
“S-Soobin-hyung?” There’s a tremble in his voice that he hopes Soobin can’t catch.
“Kai-yah?” Soobin’s sweet, rich voice comes through on the other end, alongside the light shuffling of paperwork. “I just got back from my lunch break. Did you need something?”
“Ah—” Kai gasps, feeling himself get wetter upon hearing his boyfriend’s voice. So, so pathetic. “N-no, sorry…I just wanted to hear your voice.”
He can practically hear Soobin frown through the silence on the other end. “Are you okay, baby?”
Curse Soobin and his ability to read him. “I’m fine, really—”
“You don’t sound fine. What’s going on?”
“…Hyung, seriously, I’m f—”
“Kai-yah.”
“…Heat,” Kai mumbles with resignation. There’s no use in lying to Soobin, not when he’s prodding like this. “I think I just got my heat.”
Not more than ten seconds pass before Soobin responds: “Give me an hour. I’ll be back soon.”
“Wh—hyung, you’re at work,” Kai stresses, despite clutching his stomach in splitting pain. He hadn’t called Soobin intending to force him to take time off. “You shouldn’t leave early just because I’m in heat, are you kidding me? It’s okay, seriously…I can handle it myself, I promise. Please, hyung.”
“It’s your first heat off suppressants. I can’t leave you at home by yourself.”
“No,” Kai moans, feeling another wave of agony course through him. “I don’t wanna burden you…jus’ wanted to hear your voice. You’ll be back in a couple hours…Soobin-hyung, please.”
“You’re not a burden. You’re in pain, Kai-yah.” Though Soobin’s not the one in physical agony, anyone overhearing his conversation with Kai would think he was. “I can’t leave you like that for so long. It’s fine. I’ll be back soon.”
“But your boss—”
“My boss will understand,” Soobin insists. “Yoongi’s tough, but he’s not an asshole.”
“But—“
“No buts. I’ll be back in an hour. Wait for me, okay? I love you.”
He hangs up before Kai can even attempt to refuse him.
The hour before Soobin returns home is the most painful hour of Kai’s life. He spends most of it curled up in their bed, hugging the penguin Molang plushie and trying not to burst into tears. Sometimes, he genuinely thinks that he doesn’t deserve to have an alpha like Soobin.
His face is buried into a pillow when he hears a familiar “Kai-yah?”
He looks up to see Soobin in the doorway to their bedroom, cheeks flushed and slightly out of breath. He can hear his ragged panting, can see the sweat beading down his forehead. His mussed hair stands in complete contrast to his work attire: a light blue pinstripe button-up paired with plain black slacks, a black tie, and his employee ID badge on a lanyard hanging around his neck. But even his prim and proper outfit is disheveled: the hem of his shirt untucked, the top few buttons undone. He has plastic bags hooked around his arms, overflowing with an endless assortment of snacks: grape juice, sponge cake, jellies, numerous packs of Shin Ramyun.
“Sorry I took so long, I stopped by the convenience store to get you some cooling pads and some snacks—I left the ice cream in the fridge but I got you a tub of the Rainbow Sherbet from Baskin Robbins because they ran out of Mint Chocolate, I’m sorry—” Soobin pauses, visible alarm in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
Kai doesn’t make a habit out of crying. But there’s no mistaking his quivering bottom lip, nor the faint sheen of unshed tears in his eyes, nor the sharp ache in his chest.
What did he do to deserve an alpha like Soobin, who always takes such good care of him? Soobin, who’d call off work early in a heartbeat as soon as he found out his omega was in heat, rushing to the convenience store and buying cooling pads and as many snacks as he could carry. Soobin, whose sacrifices—at least for Kai—know no bounds. Soobin, who could have his pick of any omega in the world, omegas that were smaller and daintier and…prettier and more worthy of being pupped than Kai could ever be. Soobin, who chose Kai in this universe anyway.
Soobin, who always takes such good care of him.
Soobin, who would take such good care of their pups—pups that they might not have, that Kai doesn’t deserve, and—god, Kai hates how selfish he’s being. How can he think about something as trivial as pups when Soobin’s done and keeps doing so much for him?
“Kai-yah.” He barely processes the fact that Soobin’s sitting down next to him in his nest now, stroking his hair. He doesn’t process the fact that he’s crying until he feels Soobin’s thumb swipe away a stray teardrop. “Kai-yah, what’s wrong? I didn’t take too long, did I? I’m sorry if I kept you waiting, baby—”
“No…don’t apologize, it’s nothing,” Kai mumbles, shifting over to rest his head atop Soobin’s lap. Funny—most days, Soobin makes his home in Kai’s lap, dozing off for a well-deserved nap after a grueling day at work. And here he is, reversing their roles. “Thank you for bringing all these snacks for me, really…I just feel bad that you’re doing all this just for me—”
“Why would I not?” Soobin seems genuinely confused. “You were in pain. It’s the least I could do. Why would you feel bad?”
“It’s just the heat,” Kai lies through his teeth. “I’m fine, I promise.”
“…You know you can tell me anything, right?” Soobin frowns.
He chews on his bottom lip. “It’s stupid.”
“Nothing you say could ever be stupid, Kai-yah,” Soobin assures. He continues to stroke his hair. “Tell hyung, what’s wrong?”
Call it a defense mechanism or whatever, but Kai has always prided himself on his ability to put up a strong front. Most times, it’s easier for him to swallow down his real emotions and deal with them on his own rather than burdening others with their weight. But when it comes to Soobin, there’s something about him that makes all of Kai’s well-fortified defenses come crumbling down.
“You promise?” Kai mumbles, looking down at Soobin’s hand rubbing circles on his stomach. An action that would normally be harmless, but considering his hormones have gone haywire from heat, it only makes his anguish multiply tenfold. “You really, really promise?”
“I promise,” Soobin nods, continuing to stroke his hair. “Tell hyung what’s going on so I can help you, Kai-yah.”
“…That thing you said to my aunt,” Kai mumbles. “At my birthday party.”
“What thing?”
“…About not really wanting pups.” He says the words so softly that the air barely hollows out to make space for them. “Did you mean it?”
“Oh.” Soobin’s face softens, awash with tenderness. “Oh, Kai-yah. Baby. Is that what this is all about?”
Kai can’t help it. More tears spill over, trailing further and further down his cheeks.
“Please don’t,” he mutters, aggressively wiping his tears away. Embarrassing. Pathetic. Selfish. Why was he even saying all of this? “It’s dumb, I know. Don’t worry, I know you don’t really want them, I would never force you and make you hate me or anything—”
“Kai-yah.” Soobin interrupts sternly, but softly. “Don’t say that. I could never, ever hate you. And that thing with your aunt—I think there’s been a misunderstanding…? I do want pups with you, more than anything.”
I do want pups with you, more than anything.
“I thought you didn’t—” Kai hiccups, against his will. “I thought you didn’t want—”
“Of course I do,” he whispers gently, stroking Kai’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I think about it all the time, I really do. You, pregnant with my pups. A couple of years from now, or more. I’ll wait as long as I have to, you know. I’m sorry, Kai-yah. I didn’t mean to make you think anything otherwise.”
“Then why? Why did you say…?”
“I was just caught off-guard and said the first thing that came to mind. I mean, you know me,” Soobin flushes. “But mostly ‘cause I wasn’t sure if that’s what you wanted, too. Since we hadn’t really talked about it before and stuff. It felt like she was pressuring you enough already. I didn’t want to add to that.”
“I do,” Kai mumbles. “I want pups…at least if it’s with you. Why did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I mean,” Soobin mumbles, “we’re still so young, and I didn’t want to…I don’t know, hold you back if we had kids too early. You just graduated. You have your whole career ahead of you still. If I brought them up now, I didn’t want you to feel like I was…I don’t know, being a toxic alpha and forcing you to have kids if that’s not what you wanted, too.”
“Not forcing me.” Kai shakes his head. “Don’t wanna force you…just ‘cause I’m an omega and that’s what I’m built to give you. I just felt like—if you didn’t want to have pups with me, then…”
Then what does that say about my worth as an omega?
Kai doesn’t say the words out loud and he doesn’t have to.
“You know I want you no matter what, right?” Soobin looks at him. “Pups or not.”
“I know, but—”
“And you’re not forcing me to do anything. Seriously, Kai-yah—have you seen yourself? I mean, f*ck. Do you know how many times I’ve thought about how you’d look when you’re pregnant with our pups?”
“Hyung!” Kai squeaks, cheeks red.
“What? I’m serious,” Soobin doubles down. “Completely serious, Kai-yah. Right now might not be the best time, but I promise…I want pups with you more than anything. And when I can put a ring on your finger…then I’ll pup you, for real. No suppressants, no condom, nothing.”
“…You promise?”
“Pinky promise,” Soobin whispers. “You’re the only omega I want to be the mother of my pups. Wouldn’t want them with anyone else.”
“Me too,” Kai mumbles, tears rolling off his cheeks and into Soobin’s palms. “Only want you, alpha.”
Somehow amidst the silence, he finds himself wrapped up in Soobin’s arms. His naked body pressed up against Soobin’s clothed one, legs intertwined. Heavy is the weight of Soobin’s head tucked into the crook of his neck, the ebb and flow of his breath fanning his skin. Though they’re all made in jest, their friends’ allegations are true: They can’t spend more than five seconds apart. The longer they spend tangled up together, the more all-consuming the smell of musk and sandalwood becomes. The telltale signs of his heat pheromones affecting Soobin’s alpha, a heat-induced mini-rut due any second now.
“Tell me. Tell me, Kai-yah,” Soobin murmurs. “How many pups do you want? I wanna make it up to you. Ask you now, now that I know you want them too. Prepare for the future, y’know.”
“…Three,” Kai mumbles. “Like me ‘n my sisters. Is that okay?”
Three pups, making a mess out of their tiny apartment. He wonders if they’ll look more like him or Soobin. His friends have said his father’s genes are so prominent among him and his sisters. Would that pass down to his own children? God, Kai doesn’t know if he’d be a good mother or not to one pup, let alone three, but he’d sure as hell try for their future family’s sake.
“More than okay. I’ll give you as many pups as you want,” Soobin whispers. “Anything for you.”
“Anything?” Kai echoes.
“Anything. Swear. Cross my heart and hope to die.”
He believes it.
Right then, a pang hits Kai’s stomach, making him seize up and double over in pain. A yelp of pure anguish leaves his lips. His eyes squeeze shut, fuzzy black blooms blurring his vision as he buries himself further into Soobin’s embrace. His body wants, no, needs a knot, and has no qualms about begging for it. Nothing but his boyfriend’s knot will fix him now.
“Hurts, hyung,” Kai whimpers. “Hurts so bad.”
“I know,” Soobin murmurs. “Hyung will make you feel better, okay? Can you lay on your back for me, baby?”
Nothing is commanding about the way Soobin says it. If anything, it’s more of a request than an order. Nonetheless, it taps into Kai’s desire to submit to his mate. His alpha. Reluctantly letting go of his hold on Soobin, Kai turns over to lie flat on his back. After setting aside his lanyard on the nightstand, Soobin climbs on top of him. The tip of his dangling tie tickles against Kai’s exposed collarbone.
“My pretty omega,” Soobin coos fondly, squeezing Kai’s cheeks.
Half-delirious, Kai can only let out a soft whine in response. He’s gushing slick profusely out of his c*nt, the citrusy scent of tangerines wafting through the air. There’s a giant wet spot on the sheets forming beneath Kai’s crotch. Positioning himself between Kai’s slender legs, Soobin hooks his fingers around the edges of Kai’s soaked panties and helps him slide them off, leaving him completely nude.
“You’ve made such a mess of the pillow, huh?” Soobin chuckles, grabbing the slick-wet pillow from the side of the bed and sliding it underneath Kai’s hips to prop him up comfortably. “Couldn’t wait for me to come back home?”
“Stoooooop,” Kai groans, cheeks hot. “I wasn’t…it wasn’t like that—”
“Hm? I think it’s cute,” Soobin teases. “What were you thinking about, Hueningie? While you were playing with yourself?”
“Was thinking…was thinking that the pillow wasn’t good enough,” Kai mumbles, turning his head to the side to avoid Soobin’s mirthful gaze. “Was thinking about how much better your knot would feel inside me…”
“I’ll knot you, I promise,” Soobin murmurs through half-lidded eyes. “But I wanna eat you out first. Is that okay?”
“Nnn,” Kai manages, nodding feebly.
Soobin gently spreads Kai’s legs apart, revealing his sopping wet c*nt. His inner thighs glisten with partially dried slick. On instinct, Kai’s hands fly up to cover his flushed face, using the cracks between his fingers to peek down at his boyfriend’s head between his legs. Though Soobin has f*cked Kai in every position known to man and eaten him out more times than he can count, he still can’t help but get shy. Kai is well-aware that he isn’t the stereotypical dainty omega—broad and nearly as tall as his alpha boyfriend. Before he presented, he was always mistaken for an alpha. Nonetheless, Soobin always manages to make him feel so small. Soft and delicate and full of love.
“You don’t have to—” Kai starts breathily, even though a fresh new wave of slick starts seeping out. Though his body naturally produces a lot of slick, he still gets embarrassingly wet under Soobin’s touch.
“Want to. God…prettiest f*cking puss*,” Soobin murmurs like a man starved, licking his lips as he parts Kai’s folds with his index and middle finger.
“Yours,” Kai gasps. “Yours, it’s all yours.”
He remembers when Soobin first ate him out. Kai wasn’t even the one who asked; in fact, Soobin had nearly begged. Yet Kai insisted that it was dirty, that he shouldn’t put his mouth there, that he didn’t shave completely—and every single excuse Soobin refuted with a simple “I don’t care about that.” Perhaps a part of him was also just shy, projecting his insecurities onto his boyfriend, working himself up with the thought that Soobin wouldn’t enjoy it as much as he claimed he would.
“Please, Kai-yah?” Soobin had said that day. “I just want to make you feel good, jagiya.”
As Soobin leans his face closer, the tip of his nose brushes against the wispy dark patch of pubic hair Kai keeps trimmed short. He plants a gentle kiss on Kai’s cl*t before licking a long stripe across his dripping-wet puss*. Kai squeaks at the sensation—a funny, almost ticklish feeling. His back arches with each flick of Soobin’s tongue, up and down and side to side.
Soobin is messy, enthusiastic, and eager to please. He laps up Kai’s juices like he’s dying of thirst. When he comes up for air, Kai can see his glossy lips, nose, cheeks—shiny and sticky all over and his. The sight alone is enough to make his brain short-circuit. Every inch of him is devoted to Kai’s pleasure, and Kai’s pleasure alone: Though his mouth remains affixed to Kai’s cl*t, his hands busy themselves massaging Kai’s supple thighs and ass.
“Feels good, baby?” Soobin asks, a tongue darting out to clean Kai’s slick from his mouth. “You taste good, too. Like the way you taste, you know. Like everything about you.”
“Yes—ah! Hyung—f*ck—f*ckf*ckf*ck—” Kai cries out as Soobin resumes sucking on his swollen cl*t. He threads his fingers into Soobin’s dark locks for purchase, his entire body jerking once he feels Soobin’s tongue push past his entrance. With a sob, his lips cant forward off the bed to grind his puss* back onto Soobin’s face.
“S-sorry,” he whimpers, realizing that he’s probably suffocating his poor boyfriend with a face full of c*nt. “S-sorry, hyung, sorry oh god oh my f*cking god—”
But Soobin doesn’t respond—just continues lapping away at his c*nt like it’s his sole purpose in life. On second thought, he never had to worry at all. Soobin would probably die happily like this: nose and tongue buried deep in Kai’s puss*.
Not more than five minutes pass before an unmistakable pressure begins to build in his pulsating c*nt. His eyes bulge wide, a jolt running down his spine that makes his hair stand on edge.
“Hyung,” he gasps, tangling his fingers in Soobin’s hair in a weak attempt at pushing him off. “Wait, stop, you gotta move, Soobin please I’m gonna—”
The warning is too little, too late. Either that, or Soobin heard him—he just chose to keep going. Kai sobs as his hips arch off the bed, slick spurting forth in a forceful stream. Soobin detaches his mouth from Kai’s cl*t and squeezes his eyes shut just in time, but slick showers over his face nonetheless. Messy and wet, there’s not a millimeter of Soobin’s face left unscathed. Most of the fluid hits him on the face, but some he manages to catch in his mouth, and some sprays onto the front of his dress shirt. One thing’s for sure: the clothes he used for his nest that got caught in the crossfire are never recovering, destined to smell like citrus permanently. It feels like hours pass before Soobin finally blinks—once, twice—his eyelashes damp with Kai’s fluids.
“I’m sorry,” Kai hiccups, body trembling in utter humiliation and eyes bubbling up with tears. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I—”
Then, and only then does Soobin smile, the corners of his lips quirking up. He shoots Kai a lazy, stupid grin before diving right back in.
“So f*cking hot, Kai-yah,” he murmurs. “Wanna make you do that again and again, until your legs give out.”
Apart from the sensation of his tongue, he can feel Soobin’s fingers trace the outline of his folds—but he doesn’t dare to put them in. His thighs lightly squeeze around Soobin’s head, caging him between his legs. Somehow, it’s too much and not enough all at once. On a regular day, Kai really could cum from Soobin’s mouth alone. But it’s not enough, not when he’s in heat.
“K-knot,” he begs, unable to form a coherent sentence, “need—ah—knot, alpha, need you—something—anything—inside me, oh fu-u-u—“
“Shh, I’ve got you, okay?” Soobin whispers soothingly.
He quickly unbuttons his dress shirt and tosses it along with his tie somewhere on the ground. His slacks pool down at his knees when he shoves them down to reveal his boxer briefs, the sheer size of his bulge making the fabric burst at the seams. Soon enough, those also meet their fate alongside his other discarded clothes on the ground. Crawling over to the edge of the bed, he reaches over to their nightstand and pulls out a condom. He tears open the foil wrapper in a hurry and rolls the condom over his co*ck. Taking his erection in hand, he lines himself up with Kai’s puss*, teasingly grazing it with his co*ckhead but not quite breaching it.
“So wet for me,” Soobin mutters, rubbing the tip up and down Kai’s slick-coated lower lips. “You want it that bad, huh? So bad that you squirted all over my face?”
“Don’t make fun of me,” Kai sniffles and gasps. “Just put it in already, please—”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, baby,” Soobin laughs gently, planting a kiss on his forehead. “I’m gonna put it in now, okay?”
Kai gasps once he feels the blunt tip push inside him. With the thickness of his length, even the tip is enough to send him reeling. Inch by inch, Soobin feeds him more and more of his co*ck until he’s fully seated inside, the walls of Kai’s c*nt pulsating around him.
“Better?” Soobin asks.
Sure, it’s better in the sense that it satiates his desire to be filled, but it’s still not even close to being enough. Perhaps he’s hallucinating it—or hypersensitive—but even all the slick in the world wouldn’t be enough to mask the distinct, rubbery feeling of latex. Soobin could f*ck him rough and hard and fast and right, hitting every sensitive spot inside him, and it still wouldn’t change the fact that he needs to feel the warmth of his seed inside him.
“…Take it off,” Kai whimpers.
Soobin blinks. “Huh?”
“Take the condom off, hyung, please.” Against his will, fat tears form and threaten to stream down his cheeks. Kai doesn’t mean to cry over something so trivial; he really doesn’t. But with heat cranking his emotions—lust especially—on high, he’s on the verge of sobbing. “Take it off…want you to f*ck me raw.”
“Kai-yah, we can’t—well, we shouldn’t…”
There’s a strained edge to Soobin’s voice. Sure, they’ve had unprotected sex outside of Kai’s heats, but never during. And certainly not when he was off suppressants. Even so, Kai can’t bring himself to care about the consequences.
“But I want you to,” Kai whines. “Please. You want it too, don’t you? I know you do.”
Though heat has inhibited his decision-making abilities, Kai has always been the more rational one out of the two of them. And if he’s weak now, Soobin is surely weaker—and they both know it. Call him crazy, call him insane, but maybe he does want to take that risk. Maybe he does want their best-laid plans to go awry in a split second. And if he does, then he knows that Soobin is barely hanging on by a thread, rut hormones disintegrating his faculties as well.
“Okay,” Soobin concedes. The tiniest amount of begging, and yet it still manages to do him in. “f*ck, okay. God, I can’t say no to you. I’ll just…I’ll just pull out. Before I can knot you.”
“No—” Kai’s eyes bulge, breath hitching in his throat and sirens blaring in his head. “Nonono, don’t pull out, are you crazy? Please, hyung, please please please please please. I need you to knot me. Need you to cum inside.”
It’s the only way—that is, if they’re going to do this without a condom. Kai’s pain won’t subside unless he has his mate’s knot inside him, which entails Soobin filling his womb with his seed. And if that comes with a risk, it’s a risk he’s willing to take.
“But…you’re not on suppressants anymore. You could get pregnant,” Soobin whispers, even though Kai feels him grow harder inside him at the thought, drawing a moan from his lips. “Actually pregnant.”
“I know.” It’s not like that thought hasn’t been occupying his mind for the past couple of days. “It’s okay. I’ll take a morning-after pill. They work, like, ninety-nine percent of the time…”
“But what about the one percent—”
“I don’t care,” Kai whines. “Want you to f*ck me raw, hyung. Need to feel all of you inside me. Need your cum inside me. Need your pups inside me. Don’t you want that too?”
Irresponsible. So, so f*cking irresponsible. He’s freshly out of college. Soobin’s barely two years into his first job. Hell, Kai hasn’t even started his first job. They should know better than this—no, they do know better than this. Giving into carnal impulse would be the stupidest decision they could ever make.
So, so f*cking irresponsible. Ironically, that’s what makes him want it all the more.
“f*ck. You want me to knock you up that bad?” Soobin gasps, eyes blown wide with desire. Like there’s been a switch flipped in him, reducing him to his alpha instincts to breed his omega. Without hesitation, he pulls out of Kai, earning a pitiful sob from the younger—painfully empty without his boyfriend’s co*ck inside him. He pinches the ring of the condom, shiny and wet with Kai’s slick, and peels it off, tossing it on the floor. “You want me to cum deep inside your sweet little c*nt and breed you full of my pups?”
More than anything.
“You’re cruel, Kai-yah, you know that?” Soobin huffs, holding his bare co*ck in one hand and guiding it into Kai’s entrance. “Looking like that while begging me to knock you up, how could you expect me to resist?”
“Didn’t want you to—ah!” Kai yelps, feeling the head of Soobin’s co*ck nudge itself inside him once more. There’s no mistaking that feeling: It’s real, all too real now. Soobin is inside him. Soobin’s bare co*ck is inside him, and soon his knot and seed will be, too. Good riddance to that stupid condom—the difference without it is palpable. Kai could almost die from sheer elation.
“Trying to baby-trap me or something?” Soobin teases, but it quickly fades into a deep, guttural moan once he’s fully sheathed inside Kai’s warmth. “Holy f*ck, you feel so…”
“No—I wasn’t—that’s not—” Kai babbles, trying to defend himself with a tomato-red blush. As he looks down, he can see how his c*nt swallows up the whole of Soobin’s thick co*ck.
“S’okay. You don’t need to do all that,” Soobin murmurs, burying his face into the crook of Kai’s neck. “You already have all of me, Huening-ah. No one else for me. You, only you.”
Here’s the thing: Having sex with someone regularly for four years straight means that you know their body more intimately than anyone else. What makes them tick, what makes them come undone in a shuddering, beautiful mess. Four years straight with the same person, yet Kai could never foresee himself getting bored. It just means that with each round, Soobin knows better and better what he needs. And even though Soobin will be his first, his last, and everything in between—leaving him with zero point of comparison—he still doubts that anyone else could be more attentive to his needs. Soobin, whose pleasure derives from Kai’s pleasure, and Kai, who’s more than content to sit back and enjoy.
And he does. Kai’s legs shake with every pointed thrust, looking innocently up at his boyfriend as he blinks back hot tears, mouth falling open in a broken moan. Pleasure overwhelms his senses when Soobin’s length grazes against his most sensitive spots, stretching him out just right. Full, oh, so full. There’s an audible squelch each time Soobin snaps his hips forward, driving his co*ck into his soaking wet c*nt. When Soobin leans down to kiss him, Kai can only moan helplessly into his lips, eyes and mouth watering as he sucks wetly on his bottom lip.
This, he thinks, is a love that might swallow him whole.
“Knocking you up before I’ve even proposed to you.” Soobin shakes his head as he thrusts over and over again into Kai’s inviting warmth. “Your mom’s gonna kill me.”
“Mmm—ah!—mmm,” Kai yelps between the splintered moans falling from his lips. He can picture it now—showing up to the Chuseok festivities with a thinly-veiled baby bump underneath his sweater. His poor mother would faint—but not before wringing his poor boyfriend’s neck. “She’ll get over it.”
“Oh, so you’re just gonna let her strangle me over the dinner table at Chuseok?”
“You can fend for yourself. You’re my big, strong alpha, aren’t you?” he giggles, gazing up with lust-drunk, beguiling eyes.
“Have to be,” Soobin grunts. “Can’t stand when other alphas even look at you.”
Kai’s face burns at the suggestion. “C’mon, hyung, they’re really not—”
“‘Course they are,” Soobin replies. “Who wouldn’t look at a pretty omega like you?”
Pretty. Soobin could call him pretty a thousand times over, and it would still light his heart aglow, bright and incandescent. Maybe he’ll even begin to believe it himself one day.
“f*ck,” Soobin groans. “I can’t wait until your baby bump starts showing. Until your tummy’s all big and round with our pups. Everyone’s gonna know that I f*cked you raw and came inside you. Every alpha’s gonna be jealous that I’m the one who got to pup you.”
“So possessive, hyung,” Kai murmurs, light-headed and hot.
“How could I not be?” Soobin furrows his eyebrows, as if it’s the most ludicrous suggestion in the world. “Having you as my mate, the mother of my pups…I’m the luckiest bastard in the world. Have to make sure everyone knows that you’re mine.”
At that, Kai can’t help but shiver. “Yours, hyung, I’m yours.”
“Yeah?” Soobin licks his lips. “No one else gets to have you like this but me. You know that, right? No one else gets to pup you but me.”
“Y-yeah,” Kai whimpers. “Yours to pup, yours to breed, yours.”
If Kai had to describe the way Soobin touches him in one word, he would choose greedy. No inch, centimeter, or millimeter of his body has been left unscathed by his palms. He touches him like he’s marking his territory. Loving and gentle as he might be, he’s still possessive at heart. His greedy hands paw at the small mounds of Kai’s breasts, tweaking pert nipples between his thumbs. If he doesn’t take his morning-after pill, soon enough, they’ll be aching—full and tender and leaking with gallons of milk for their pups to grow healthy and strong.
“Can’t wait till your tit* swell up with milk,” Soobin mumbles, squeezing Kai’s breasts together between his hands before shoving his face in the minimal cleavage that forms with a heavy groan. Almost like he’s frustrated that he’s not lactating yet. “God, you’d look so f*cking hot.”
It’s a borderline ridiculous image: his boyfriend’s face nestled between his breasts. “You look comfy.” How ironic: trying to tease Soobin, and yet Kai’s the one with reddened cheeks.
“I am,” Soobin hums, the sound muffled into the expanse of his chest. “I wanna live between them. Or even better, between your thighs. Earlier, when I was eating you out—I wanted you to suffocate me with them so f*cking bad. Can I say that?”
“You’re ridiculous—oh,” Kai moans, feeling Soobin’s mouth latch around one of his nipples, sucking at it with an appreciative hum. Dark bangs falling over shut eyes, mouth twitching with each wet smack of his lips. He’s never looked more at peace.
“God,” Soobin exhales, once he’s had his fill of Kai’s tit*. Continuing to thrust into him, he slides his hands away from Kai’s broad chest and down both sides of his wide, childbearing hips. Made to give birth. Made to give birth to Soobin’s pups. “Look at you…you were meant to be knocked up.”
He’s right. What was Kai made for, if not to carry Soobin’s pups?
“Can you feel that, baby?” Soobin murmurs. He grabs Kai’s hand and places it over his stomach, where he can feel the faint outline of Soobin’s huge co*ck protruding out. “That’s where our pups are gonna be…”
“Soobin,” Kai whines. “Don’t say it like that, oh my god—”
“Why? It’s true. Gonna fill you up,” Soobin grunts, burying his face into the crook of Kai’s neck and rubbing his scent gland against him—ensuring that even hours later, Kai will still smell like him. “Over and over again…gonna knot you and plug you up so full of my cum that there’s no way you won’t get pregnant. You’ll be such a good mommy, won’t you, Kai-yah?”
Mommy. Involuntarily, Kai gasps and clenches hard around the wide girth of Soobin’s co*ck. He mouths the word silently, testing how the syllables undulate over his tongue. Mommy. There’s something so satisfying and right about the way it sounds.
“Your puss*’s twitching around me so much,” Soobin murmurs. “Do you like that? Being called mommy?”
“Hyung,” Kai groans. “Seriously—”
“You want me to make you a mommy, Kai-yah?”
More than anything, and that’s why it’s humiliating to his core. Because yes—yes, he wants to be a mommy, wants it so bad that it’s almost embarrassing. Wants flowy maternity dresses and the radiance of pregnancy glow, a newfound tenderness in his full, heavy breasts. Wants Soobin’s hand splayed possessively over his round, swollen tummy when they’re in public, as if to say yeah, I helped make that. Wants to cradle their newborn in his arms, to clasp and envelop their tiny hands in his own.
“…Mmmh,” Kai hiccups, teary-eyed and defeated. “W-Wan’ you to make me a mommy…”
“I will, baby, I will,” Soobin murmurs, stroking his cheek gently as he f*cks into him. A gentle thumb darts out to wipe away the budding tears in Kai’s eye corners. “Gonna put a baby in you. Promise. Gonna be so pretty when you’re pregnant. You want three pups, right? Maybe if I cum inside you enough, we can knock them all out in one go. How’s that sound?”
“That’s not how it works.” Triplets. Dear god, he can’t even fathom the thought. Forced to waddle around with his round tummy, grumbling and barely able to see his feet. How would his stomach handle that many pups?
“I wonder how you’ll carry three pups,” Soobin muses. “You’re so tiny, Kai-yah. You can barely fit all of me inside you.”
Again, Kai knows he’s not that small. But when Soobin tells him that he is, he believes him. With Soobin, he’s given the grace to feel small and soft and delicate like omegas in the movies are, despite what society perceives of his broader build.
“If you give me triplets, I’ll be huge,” Kai groans. “Sex would be harder…”
“That’s just more of you for me to love. You’re a strong omega, right, Kai-yah? My strong omega, carrying our pups.”
“Pups,” Kai echoes, the word catching in his throat. With each loop of the word in his brain, more tears well up in his eyes, threatening to cascade down his rosy cheeks. Though he’d love their future pups regardless of gender or subgender, he admittedly hopes that they’ll have at least one girl. Wants her to look just like Soobin, dimples and all.
“If you get me…p…pregnant,” Kai hiccups. Even though he’s repeated that word at least a thousand times in the last hour, it still weighs heavy on his tongue. There’s a smidge of reality imbued in it that scares him just as much as he wants it. “I can’t start my job…won’t be able to work…”
“‘S’okay,” Soobin grunts, “I’ll take care of you and our pups…you won’t ever have to work again. Just stay home and take care of our pups, yeah?”
Though it’s not a realistic plan, and not what he wants to do for the rest of his life, Kai’s eyes glaze over at the thought regardless. Staying at home, taking care of their pups. He knows it’s the heat talking. But for a brief second, he closes his eyes and pretends like it can be his reality.
But truthfully, Kai would be happy with every possible reality, as long as Soobin is in his future and vice versa. Even as Soobin is deep inside him, all Kai can think is that this is the person that he cherishes more than anyone else. This is the person that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. People call him selfless, but when it comes to Soobin, he selfishly wants it all: a house with a garden (he just really likes grass), dogs (maybe a Samoyed—or a Golden Retriever—or both), cats (Kai has always had an affection for them), and their daughter (and however many more pups his body allows him to have). Their little family. Seasons change and the world continues to shift on its axis, but Kai trusts that Soobin will remain constant and steadfast by his side.
Choi Soobin, the father of his pups. The only boy—man—that Kai has ever and will ever love.
Because Kai has loved him since he was twelve and Soobin was fourteen and amid the growing pains of puberty—but Soobin’s always known that, hasn’t he? No matter how oblivious he seems. He loved him even when he only knew Soobin as the lanky boy next door who just moved to Seoul from Ansan and was two grades above him. Two hearts converged across time and space in this corner of Gyeonggi-do and the world.
Kai loved Soobin with his acne scars, the ones he got because he kept picking at his face even though his mom told him not to. He loved him with that awful bowl cut his mom gave him because she insisted it was more economical to cut it at home (he’d like to think that Soobin loved him with his, too). He didn’t and still doesn’t love his gross habits, like when Soobin sends him photos of his cut-off blisters and asks if he’s craving sujebi, but he loves them because they’re uniquely his. They pull him down from the godly pedestal Kai’s placed him on in his head and back down to earth. They remind him that Soobin’s just a boy like him.
Kai loves him for the way his eyes curl up in crescents when he smiles, like someone peeled the moon from the sky. His dimples, too—every crevice of Soobin’s body is home for him, even down to the hollows of his ribs. He loved him when he stood a head taller than him and he loves him now that they’re centimeters apart.
Kai loved him then and he loves him now.
“I love you,” Kai hiccups. Some say that frequent declarations of love dull the sentiment, but between the two of them, each is as powerful as the first. No amount of lust could mitigate the sincerity of his words. “L-love you so much, hyung, want to start a family with you, wanna spend forever with you—”
“Love you more. Love you always, Huening-ah.” Soobin litters kisses over his forehead, the bump of his nose, his dough-like cheeks, each little mole on his face—where Soobin must’ve liked to kiss him in a past life. “Gonna cum inside you, okay, baby? Gonna get you pregnant. I’ll keep breeding you again and again, as many times as it takes—”
With a hitched sob, Kai wraps his legs around Soobin’s waist and his arms around his neck, locking him in tight as his org*sm washes over him. Soobin sinks his teeth into Kai’s neck, right over their mating bite. Yet another permanent marker of their bond. He can feel Soobin’s co*ck twitch inside him with each spurt, filling his womb with his seed. As the stream tapers off, the base of his co*ck swells up, digging against Kai’s walls as it expands. His c*nt clenches around Soobin’s engorged knot, ensuring that all of Soobin’s seed stays inside him after milking him for all he’s worth. That he’ll be pregnant and round with their pups in due time.
Blissed out, and totally so. Kai’s stomach lightly bulges, distended from the sheer amount of cum Soobin’s pumped into him. Probably a full litter’s worth.
“Almost like a real baby bump,” Soobin murmurs in wonder.
Time is a construct when they’re together. Fifteen, maybe thirty minutes or more have passed since Soobin’s knot popped, joining them together. Kai’s not sure of the exact number. What he is sure of is that no amount of time could ever be long enough.
“You think we’d make good parents, hyung?” Said in a voice so small the wind can barely catch it.
“Of course we would. Of course you would.” Soobin nuzzles his forehead and presses kisses against it. “The best, even.”
“We’ll get married,” he continues. It would be mindless pillow talk if there wasn’t truth behind it. “We’ll get married, we’ll buy a new apartment together—better than this one—I’ll give you all the pups you want, I’ll give you and our pups the life you deserve…”
Pressed up like this, he can feel Soobin’s steady heartbeat against his own, pulsing in tandem. His fingers find their way to Kai’s, linking them together in a gentle grasp. Right here, in the quiet of their apartment, wrapped up in Soobin’s arms in his nest, he’s at home.
“Just so you know,” Kai murmurs. “If the morning-after pill doesn’t work, and you get me pregnant…I’m not helping you if my mom tries to strangle you at Chuseok.”
“Yah!” Soobin protests. He pinches Kai’s forearm in retaliation, and Kai pinches him right back. “You’re evil, Kai-yah. An absolute menace.”
“I get it from you.” Kai sticks his tongue out.
“Hmph,” Soobin huffs, but he can’t help but squeeze Kai’s cheeks in adoration. “Thought of any names for our future pups yet?
“…Hawon,” Kai decides. “It’s pretty and neutral.”
“I like that,” Soobin hums. “I hope we have a girl for our first. I hope that she looks like you.”
“But I want her to look like you.”
Soobin shakes his head. “Nah. I want her to be just as pretty as you are.”
If there’s one thing Soobin has a knack for, it’s making Kai feel like the most special omega on the planet. No words could ever begin to properly encapsulate how tender Soobin makes him feel. So he settles for a simple four words: “I love you, hyung.”
“Ah, seriously…don’t make me blush. I love you so, so much Kai-yah. My baby,” Soobin coos. “I can’t wait to see you pregnant with our pups someday.”
Gently, he peppers Kai’s dainty face with kisses, smiling down at him fondly—a smile Kai is all too happy to return. As he dozes off in Soobin’s arms, purring gently against his chest, someday really doesn’t seem so far away. But for now, he’s content to be like this: two twenty-somethings, making grandiose promises about the future in the afterglow.
